


just fucking drive

by alien_in_the_sea



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Internalized Homophobia, M for swearing, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Smut, n doing nasty stuff, slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2018-08-27 12:47:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 23,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8402287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alien_in_the_sea/pseuds/alien_in_the_sea
Summary: John punched a guy at a Black Lives Matter protest and the police are chasing him. He sees a guy on a motorbike.Alex was about to argue with someone on Twitter. Instead, a beautiful hurricane of a man yells at him and jumps on his motorbike.READ LATEST CHAPTER FOR VERY IMPORTANT NOTICE ABOUT THE FIC!





	1. a dot ham meets a certain hurricane man

 Alexander was sitting on his motorbike, checking twitter for a good argument to pass his time with and also to decide whether he should go and check out the Black Lives Matter march that was happening a few streets down.

He was so lost in thought that he didn’t hear the stranger running straight towards him.

But he definitely heard him yelling at him to turn on his bike (which totally didn’t make him jump out of his skin because he was totally expecting a stranger to suddenly pull him out of his train of thought). And he definitely heard him yell something about cops.

“Shit man, what?”

“THE COPS! CHASING! NOT GOOD! JUST FUCKING DRIVE!”

Alexander didn’t expect his day to go like this. But, this was way more interesting than trying to argue with a Trump supporter (those arguments happen daily and were part of his routine. Sometimes routines can go to shit) since the stranger was the most gorgeous stranger he’d ever seen.

“Hop in, uh…”

“JOHN! WHO THE COPS ARE CHASING RIGHT NOW!”

So he started the engine, didn’t bother to put on a helmet. Simply made sure that the stranger, John was ready to go and started driving to get them as far as possible.

John was gorgeous. He had curly, dishevelled and frizzy hair that had strands of purple in random places. His skin was naturally tanned and littered with freckles in every inch of his face. His cheeks were red from running and he was still huffing and puffing, trying to catch his breath.

John’s lip was swollen and he had a string of blood coming out of his nose. His left eye was swelling up and was turning a nasty shade of purple but it was a type of beauty Alex definitely appreciated.

The type of wild, unapologetic and passionate beauty that could not be controlled and manifested itself in untamed, explosive, chaotic ways.

The type of beauty Alex exhibited with his words, and John seemingly exhibited with his fists.

As Alex drove away from the scene, the felt a buzz of electricity coming from John’s fingertips where they made contact with his body. John’s arms were wrapped around his waist and his curly hair flew in the wind.

It was a freeing and defying thought, Alex pondered as he trying to put an adjective to the feeling. Running away with a beat up stranger with dyed hair wearing a Black Lives Matter shirt, escaping the police instead of arguing on Twitter. This was what freedom felt like.

“So, John. How did you end up on my bike, huh?”

“I may have punched a white guy who said that black people were exaggerating everything and they deserved what they got”

“Ew. What the fuck?”

“I know, right? So I punched him and then the cops tried to get me but my friends Laf and Herc blocked their way and I just ran. And then I saw you and thought: ‘Hey, that guy seems like he’ll save me if I asked’ So… thanks.”

“No problem. Always willing to help a fellow Revolutionary.”

“John Laurens, by the way. Feminist. Black Lives Matter Supporter. Very Gay and Very Pro LGBT+. Also very in favour of hair dye and piercings. Professional parent disappointer, revolutionary and always willing to fight a Trump supporter. I’m sorry we had to skip the introductions.”

“Alexander Hamilton. All of the above. Except for the parents part. No parents, no disappointments. Also an immigrant. Very victimised by Trump. Always ready to fight. And bi, not gay.”

“Nice to meet you, Alex.”

There was a silence in which Alex realised he had no destination.

“So, my dear Laurens. Where am I taking you to?”

“Oh, Alexander.” He said, pretending to swoon over him. “My brave knight in shining armour. It’s your choice. We either call it a day and you take me home and there we can hang or you drive us to the aquarium, we look at the turtles and then we get pizza. Either way, it’s a date,”

“Woah, but what if I didn’t want to go on a date with you, John Laurens?”

“Judging by the fact that you’re grinning and you’re a bit blushed, I can tell you that’s not true. Am I right?”

“You’re paying for the pizza, Laurens.”


	2. you're a nerd, my dearest laurens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, originally, this was a one-shot, then someone asked for the date, so I wrote this, and it's really long and I'm legitimately considering turning into a multichaptered story (let me know if you would like that)

John didn’t expect his day to go like this.

He was expecting quite a few things from it. He was expecting a bloody nose, a black eye, a swollen lip. That part he got.

He was expecting to be arrested. Or he at least expected to have to pick up Laf or Herc from the holding cell. After all, that’s how most Black Lives Matter protests ended.

Instead, he was sitting behind a stranger in his motorbike, holding him by the waist and sort of flirting with him as he drove.

“You’re paying for the pizza, Laurens,” John saw a grin starting to form on Alex’s lips.

“Oh, so it is a date?”

“We’re going to go to a service station first because your face and your fists are not exactly in the most prime condition and your shirt is dirty and bloody.”

John was offended: “Yeah? So what? What’s so wrong with my shirt?!”

“It’s a date, stupid. And I don’t think security will let you into the aquarium looking like that.”

Well, John must’ve looked WAY worse than he thought. He knew his knuckles were injured because he could feel cuts and scratches on them. He knew he had a black eye because he could barely see out of his left eye, and it hurt. He knew he had a bloody nose because he could feel the stream of blood running down and he knew he had a swollen lip because, well, he could feel it.

“Alex, do you happen to have something to tie my hair with? The wind is bothering me.”

Alex, on the other hand, was John’s wordy counterpart. He knew, John just knew, that this was a man who fought for his ideals with words. He was also very tiny so John doubted Alexander could punch anyone.

“Yeah, just wait a sec.”

Alex turned and stopped the motorbike in the parking lot of the first service station they had come across.

“Mister Laurens, here our date begins. Cleaning up your battle wounds,” Alex joked.

He really liked Alex. Not only because he saved him from being arrested (and probably beat up by the cops) but also because there was something so, proper and wild about him. Like he knew the exact procedure to kick someone’s ass in a debate. Like he always knew exact what and how to say something in order to give someone a sick burn while arguing. Like a confidence that he had because he knew he could say whatever the fuck he pleased and he could get away with it.

And also he was very attractive. He wore his dark brown hair in a ponytail. He had warm, welcoming brown eyes and his skin suggested life in the warmer parts of the world. He was shorter than him, which only made John imagine what Alex would look like if he was wearing one of John’s jumpers.

Alex offered him his hand, which, when John took it, was warm and small and it fitted perfectly in his. The touch made him feel sparks running up his arm, which made him flinch because Alex let go of his hand concerned before gently grabbing it again.

“Shit, sorry. I forgot your hand hurts.”

Sometimes, just being in a fight was a good thing.

They walked around, found the first aid kit that Alex wanted and grabbed a shitty, dark blue tourist shirt that had the classic phrase “I love NY” printed on it.

“John, sit down on the bike so I can clean up your face,”

John obeyed, suddenly feeling his face go red as Alexander started cleaning the wounds, casually flinching at the sting of alcohol on his cuts, but mostly perceiving how close Alexander’s face was to his, feeling warmth shooting through his veins from where Alexander touched him.

He examined Alex’s face. Alex wore such a concentrated look on him as he cleaned him up. His eyes squinted a little bit, his nose wrinkled when he saw John flinch. His lips were pursed together and _God, he looked so kissable…_

He ended up with bandages on his hands and a clean face. John knew that he still had a black eye and a swollen lip, but he must’ve looked a lot better if Alex was satisfied with his work.

“Okay, so I guess you look a lot more decent now, John. Shall we?”

They took off as the warmth of midday abandoned them, leading them into a refreshing afternoon at the aquarium. It was a quiet drive, comfortable and pleasing, this time with helmets on and John’s hair tied back. He truly liked Alex, he was yet to figure out what it was, but he felt instantly drawn to him (not counting the immediate need to get away from the cops), like a tug of a string or magnetic attraction, although they didn’t seem to be polar opposites so magnetism didn’t work. It was more like gravity. It was as if he knew Alexander his whole life, he was comfortable around him, could share a joke with him, it was fundamental, stripped down to the very basics of attractions towards someone.

When they arrived, John took out of his bag his wallet to pay for their entrance, he also took this as an opportunity to check in with his friends, let them know he was fine.

Five missed calls from Lafayette and 20 texts between him and Hercules

**Zerotohero to Herecomedatturtleboi**

1:49 _Where the fuck are you?_

_1:50 Did the cops get you?_

_1:55 They didn’t what the fuck?!_

_1:56 Where the fuck did you go?_

**Labagette to Herecomedatturtleboi**

_1:52 Mon Ami you better not die_

_1:53 You still have to pay rent_

_1:54 You better let me know where the fuck you are_

_1:57 Herc is losing his shit rn_

_[Attached Image]_

_1:59 But still, we’re worried for you so just let us know ur okay, yeah? :)_

John sighed. They were right, he probably should’ve let his best friends know he was sort of in a date with the cutest guy, that he was fine, a little bit bruised and beat up, but fine and he wouldn’t be home until after dinner.

**Herecomedatturtleboi to Zerotohero, Labagette**

_2:17 Yeah guys, I’m fine. All good. Sorta ran away from the police, jumped on a guy’s motorbike and we’re on a date now;)_

_2:18 I’m a little beat up but Alex already took care of me (Sorry Herc, Alex took over this time)_

_2:19 We’re getting pizza afterwards so I won’t be home until after dinner_

_2:19 Love you guys <3_

John put his phone in the back pocket of his ripped jeans and smiled at Alex, who was reading about the different exhibitions in the aquarium.

“So… Um, we don’t have to do this, but I usually go straight to where the turtles are. But if you wanna go around the whole thing, that’s fine we can do that,” John suggested.

“No, my dear Laurens, this date was your idea so you show me your favourite places and if you wanna see the turtles, we’ll see the turtles,” Alex said, grinning, “Besides,” He added, “I might get to see you rant like a nerd about them, since you seem to like them so much,”

Alex pointed at the tattoo on his forearm of a Sea Turtle. He then took his hand, casually, as if he had done this a million times and interlaced his fingers through John’s.

“Take me to the turtles, Lauren,” He joked and started walking.

Yeah, fishes were fun. They were colourful. Sharks were cool. They were huge and looked dangerous but were no threat. Stingrays, well, everyone wants to see the animal that killed Steve Irwin. But turtles were a whole different world, he explained to Alex.

“They’re just so interesting. The way they evolved, their cool little facts, like in some species, the temperature in which the eggs are kept, determines whether they’ll be female or male or the fact that they are so cute and I love drawing them or how much the marine life depended on them, it’s all so interesting. Alexander, aren’t turtles amazing?”

“Turtles do sound quite fascinating, my dearest Laurens,” Alex said, with a smirk and an amused look to him, which suddenly made him lose his inspiration, remembering all the faced that had looked at him like that.

“You think it’s stupid, don’t you?”

Alex looked surprised.

“No! God… John, it’s so interesting as fuck and it's sweet and you look really cute when ranting and telling me all these cool things about turtles. Why would you think I find it stupid?”

John sighed, finally being able to look at his favourite creature, finding a sense of relief with Alex words and being in such a familiar place.

He told him about his love for bio-marine science, his passion for drawing. He told him about his dad, how he was concerned because he wanted stability for John’s future. How John didn’t want anything to do with that. How he wanted to study marine biology but he couldn’t because his dad would only pay for a more stable career, like law or education. He told him about his dad’s right wing views and how John fought against each of those ideas.

They talked, about everything and nothing, until the aquarium was about to close. Alex told him about his mother who had died, about growing up without a father, his education that was cut at age 14 when he had to work to keep himself alive. Writing until he managed to make his way to a plane that took him from the Caribbean to New York city. His scholarship to college. His love for words, his passion for making unheard voices sing a song never heard before. His dream of using his brains and the degrees he was working on, to give freedom to the marginalised, to right every wrong that the privileged had caused.

John wanted to be a scientist, Alex a lawyer. John painted pictures. Alex wrote them. But their picture was the same: a fair world, where everyone is equal, where wrongs are righted, where marginalisation or discrimination or segregation or systematic oppression aren’t a thing. Where John wanted to use his fists and scream until his lungs gave up, solidarizing with the people who needed it, fighting alongside them, Alex was in it for sleepless nights, energy drinks and coffee, extra work, knowledge, pen and paper, arguments and words. And somehow, together it made sense. One could not work without the other. Alexander needed every person to change the world as much as John needed Alex to change the law.

It was a fundamental, basic dependence on each other, if not by conscious knowledge but by elemental intuition, that in more than just one aspect, they were the missing voice in their perfect world’s harmony.

They walked to John’s pizza place, and John realised that Alex hadn’t let go of his hand since he first started holding it. He only realised when Alex let go of it so they could seat facing each other.

He pulled out his phone to see only one message from Gil:

**Labagette to Herecomedatturtleboi**

_If u are gonna do the nasty, don’t do it here bc the walls are thin;)_

John wasn’t even going to bother answering that.

“So, do you eat Hawaiian pizza with or without pineapples?” John asked, casually as they sat down at a table for two.

The restaurant was dimly lit; it was a very romantic setting. It was a very traditional and homely place; it was a place that he hoped Alex would like as much as he did. It was his friends’ favourite pizza place.

“Well, you see, my dear Laurens. Hawaiian pizza, by default and by definition, has to have pineapple in it. And I disagree with pineapple’s presence in my pizza. So, everyone should eat Hawaiian pizza WITH pineapples, because that’s the rightful place, but when it comes to MY pizza, I don’t eat it because pineapple doesn’t go in the pizza I eat,”

“What a nerd, you only had to say you’d rather eat cheese pizza,” John joked,

“What about you, John. Do you like Hawaiian pizza, with all that it includes?”

“Yeah actually, Laf and Herc hate me for it. They don’t like pineapple on pizza at all. I sort of started eating it out of spite but I got used to it now,”

“The only way I’d date someone who eats pineapple on pizza is if it was out of spite. Good job, Laurens,” Alex said and John could _swear_ he saw him blink.

The night was a blur. The more he spent time with Alex, the more he wanted to know about him. The more he found out about him, he realised there were many more hours of conversation behind each word. Alex was so intriguing, so captivating. There were so many things to him that John just wanted to learn every little thing about the tiny man sitting in front of him.

“I really like what you did to your hair, by the way. That purple really suits you. Next time you should dye it all.”

Alex had driven him home, they were sitting on the swing set in the park next to his and Laf’s apartment.

“I might do that, but only because that way I have to see you again so you can see the results, Alex,”

“Is that a date?”

“Yeah, but you get to choose what we do. I’ll drive, though,”

“I’m thinking going to the movies, or to the library,”

“What a nerd you are, Alexander Hamilton,”

“You’re a nerd, too, my dearest Laurens.”

They argued to see who was the biggest nerd until Lafayette screamed out of the window for them to get a room. John was looking forward to their date to the library.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much for reading!  
> i really hope you enjoyed it
> 
> please leave kudos/comments down below  
> (if you have any ideas you want written, criticism or ways to improve, let me know!)
> 
> also, if you'd like please follow my tumblr: laRevolucixn17  
> thanks!


	3. The Schuyler era

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i guess this thing turned into a chaptered fic  
> oh well
> 
> please leave kudos/comments if you liked it  
> and i also accept ideas and criticism 
> 
> thanks for reading!

“So what you’re telling me is that, after you punched that guy, you ran off, jumped in a guy’s motorbike, asked him out on a date, then he cleaned your face, you went to the aquarium and then you got pizza. And now you want me to completely dye your hair, for said guy?”

“Laf, we’ve been through this, like, seven times. Alex is super great. But I wanna try something new. Something bolder.”

“ _ferme ta gueule,_ John. You’re only asking me to do this so you can make out with your hot tiny boyfriend,”

“You’re going to make me say your full name, aren’t you, Laf?”

“Don’t you dare…”

“Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette, first. Alexander is not my boyfriend. We’ve only been on one date. Second, maybe I just want to dye my whole hair purple for the sake of it. And third, I don’t see a problem with me dying my hair for Alex since you literally started reading about fashion and designs when you first wanted to get with Herc, even though you don't even like sewing,”

Lafayette’s face showed pure surprise at the idea that he was pining after Hercules and not the other way around. He liked to pretend he had everyone running after him. God, the Frenchman could sometimes get really annoying.

“How dare you!”

John suspired, resolving to a blunt, straight to the point question.

“I don’t care. Are you going to help me dye my hair or do I have to get Burr to come here?”

“Do not call that annoying _fils de pute_ into my house or else I’m kicking you out. I’ll dye your fucking hair, just never bring Aaron Burr into our property.”

“Also, you have to convince Hercules to pick some clothes for me”

Gil just answered with a long groan.

A few kilometers away, in another shitty apartment in New York City, Alexander Hamilton was ranting to his best friends, Eliza and Angelica about the freckled angle he had met the day earlier.

Alex knew that the astonished look the sisters were giving him mostly came from the fact that for once he wasn’t going on about politics or his work but he just needed to tell them about John Laurens’ perfection.

“No, but Angelica, you do not comprehend how heavenly he is. How beautiful do you have to be to look great even when you just got beat up and ran like, God knows how much before stopping?”

“We’ve gone through this. You think it made him look tough and you know for a fact that he looks even better when he’s not beat up.”

“Eliza, tell your sister to stop sassing me because I just met the love of my life,”

“Angelica, Alex sai-“

“I heard, Eliza. Tell him that I am willing to listen but he can’t repeat something he’s already said. If he repeats anything, I’m leaving.”

“Fine. He has a tattoo of a sea turtle in his arm. And he wants to study marine biology. But he can’t. His dad is sort of an asshole.”

“Alex, even I heard that, and I was listening to music like half the time you were speaking. You’re so into this John guy that you didn’t even notice me putting on my earphones for half an hour,” Said Eliza.

“Fucking shit, Eliza. Why can’t you just back me up against Angelica?”

“Because it’s a lot funnier to see you two argue, and to see you pout when you don’t have someone to back you up,”

“Whatever. Anyway…”

Alex had actually never been to a proper date. Sure, he’d gone out with a few girls before, but they didn’t count because they were awkward high school dates and that happened before he figured out he also liked boys. So no, he hadn’t been on a date before.

And he really doubted he would be able to enjoy himself on a date with anyone but with John. Laurens had set the bar way too high. The expectations were beyond anyone’s reach, unless that anyone was John Laurens.

He wasn’t going to say he was in love (which, by itself, would be a really funny situation considering John’s friend was named Hercules) but he knew that he wanted to spend more time with John. He wanted to get together with him and hang out and see his smile and his curly hair and his stupidly cute freckles.

Eliza looked at her phone: “Peggy’s almost finished her shift, do you guys wanna go down to the café and wait for her there? I’ll pay for both of your coffees,”

“Eliza, you’re the best,”

Alex wasn’t a man of many friends. He sort of was friends but more like nemesis with Aaron Burr, which lead him to call those assholes Thomas Jefferson and James Madison his acquaintances, because his Schuyler era was yet to begin and he was forced to hang out with them or resign himself to involuntary solitary confinement.

The Schuyler sisters walked into his life separately. He met Angelica at a bar when he decided sitting by himself was better than sitting where Aaron would make out with Theodosia and where Thomas would basically eat James’ face without any regard for their surroundings.

They bonded immediately over PDA that was clearly over the top. They had a few drinks together and just sort of clicked.

Eliza’s story was different. They had to work on a project together. Initially, Alex would get frustrated because Eliza was always quiet and he felt as if he was coming up with all the ideas. But because they were forced to work together, they soon found each other’s company a balance to their own personality and since then, confided and depended on each other.

Peggy was the last one and possibly the sister he felt most connected to. Their meeting was characterized by sadness and loud, muffled music.  

It was a party. They were at the Schuyler apartment. He’d gone to the bathroom to breathe and calm himself down, because parties sometimes got overwhelming and flashing lights didn’t really help when he heard a sniff coming from the shower. He moved the plastic curtain to reveal a tiny girl with red, swollen eyes from crying and runny makeup.

“Go away,” She said to him, looking threatening even when she was that vulnerable.

“Woah, are you okay? I can go if you want but I just needed to breathe a little and stuff and I don’t know anyone here besides Angie and Eliza so…”

“You’re here with my sisters? You’re not allowed to leave. They can’t know I’m here like this.”

Alexander hesitated before walking up to her and sitting by her side.

“Alexander Hamilton,” He said, extending his hand towards her.

She just started at it and hugged her knees. “Peggy Schuyler,” She muttered.

Long story short, Alex and Peggy sat in the shower with the bathroom door locked until the party was mostly over. Peggy had seen her girlfriend kissing another girl at the party. And although Alex’s presence wasn’t an instant fix to the issue, his presence and his willingness to listen were more than what she needed for a first step. Uncharacteristically for Alex, he stayed silent most of that night.

Alex was willing to call the whole time he was friends with the Schuylers, “The Schuyler Era” and everything before that was basically a shitty void of Aaron Burr and Thomas Jefferson.

Eliza and Angelica walked by his side, chatting to him casually, while he gave short answers. He was trying to figure out if he should get John some violets for their next date since he promised he’d dye his hair for him.

“Should I get him violets, Peggy?”

She was the only person willing to listen to him, since the other two sisters were busy discussing more pressing matters, like the fact that spring was around the corner and they should probably throw a party.

“Alexander, you do whatever the hell you’d like. If all I’ve heard about John Laurens is true, then he’ll love what you do either way.”

“Yeah but what if John is allergic to flowers, Peggy? You never thought of that aspect of this matter, did you?”

“I’m not allergic to flowers, Alex. And I think violets are quite lovely,” Said a voice that he knew way too well from repeating their date in his mind over, behind him. “Alexander Hamilton, what a pleasure to see you again,” John grinned.


	4. the exact moment Alex says 'oh shit'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Alex realises truly how deeply fucked he is, thanks to one John Laurens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry I took so long to update but here it is!  
> I have an outline of what's going to happen in this fic so now this ship has a direction hells yeah!!
> 
> I really hope you like this chapter, kudos/comments/bookmarks are always deeply appreciated.
> 
> Also, if anyone wants to be my beta for this story and/or my Wolfstar (Remus/Sirius) story, hmu;) I'm desperately looking for one.
> 
> thank u for reading!!

“Babygirl, as much as I appreciate the thought, daisies as WAY gayer flowers than violets. Also apparently, grass is gay too, but I’m not sure about that one…”

‘Babygirl’ was a nickname that only John Laurens had given him, over text, while they had been chatting non-stop over the last few days.

But there’s definitely a difference between reading the nickname, and hearing the endearing pet name be given to him from the lips of one John Laurens.

A John Laurens that at least heard part of his conversation with the sisters, if not the whole thing. Maybe that explained why Alex could feel his cheeks heating up and his mouth moves up and down, soundless, probably making him look like a fish.

“There’s some grass in the park if you wanna go now…” Alex proposed, his brain going haywire, trying to process the situation happening directly in front of him.

An ethereal being, an angelic, pure and gorgeous creature was standing in front of him. In the time that they hadn’t seen each other, Alex had already started composing poetry for John’s freckles, John’s hair and John’s smile.

His cheeky smile, although very deceiving, still revealed a slight blush, from, what he hoped, listening to Alex gush over him. It was embarrassing, yes, to have your crush hear you talk about them, but if it made John’s face look like that, with his grin and his rosy cheeks and his freckles spilling over his skin and the corner of his eyes crinkling with soft happiness, then it was completely worth it.

“My dearest, as much as I would love to go to the park with you right now, I believe it would be very rude to leave our friends here, alone. The very least we can do is introduce them,”

“Uh, yeah.”

As John took a seat next to Alex, their shoulders and knees touching, Alex realized that John had two friends with him.

 _Hercules and Lafayette,_ he guessed. John and Alex had discussed their friends, so he was sure he knew the names of the two other people with him.

“Hi, everyone. I’m John, but I think you already guessed that thanks to Alex,” He began, and Alex could not but help to notice that John’s companions were looking intensely at Alex. “This is Herc, short for Hercules. Could be like the Disney character but his dad isn’t Zeus and he’s not blonde.”

The broader black man in a beanie waved. He probably did have the strength that the original Hercules had, but he didn’t look like someone who could be rude to another human being, or any being, making it impossible for him to be related to any Greek deity.

“And this,” John gestured,” Is Laf. Lafayette. Or Gil. Just don’t ask for the full version, we’d be here for hours,”

“ _Salut!_ They and them pronouns for me, please,” Gilbert said with a thick French accent.

Peggy’s face lit up, for reasons unknown to Alex.

Now it was Alex’s turn to introduce the Schuyler sisters.

“Well, this is Angelica or Angie. She’s a great person, you’ll come to find, and she’s most definitely a force to be reckoned with. Don’t piss her off. Ever.” Alex joked, easing into the situation as he approached a topic in which he was very knowledgeable.

“Best of wives and best of women, Elizabeth, Eliza or even Betsy Schyuler. Best cinnamon roll around, I love her to the moon and back,” He laughed.

In all honesty, he loved Eliza. He truly did. And they did go through an awkward period in which they sort of had feelings for each other and they sort of dated but really didn’t. That’s where Eliza got the title of Mrs. Hamilton.

“That’s okay, John. I’m cool with sharing him.” She noted while smiling smugly.

“I’ll keep that in mind” He tapped his temple with his index finger.

Alex blushed slightly (again) and continued.

“And this is Ma-“

“What the fuck are you going to say, Alexander?!”

He sighed, exaggerating a fake defeat, as if he had lost a battle for Peggy’s name, “This is Peggy. She’s tiny and she runs on Steven Universe episodes and sugar.”

Alex’s nerves calmed as their conversation navigated casually through everyone’s life, everyone acting both as if they have known each other for a long time and also showing the fact that they had just met.

The conversation was pleasant, no one made an effort to acknowledge the situation the two people that brought them together were in, everyone chatted and spent their time as a group of friends, not “friends of the two guys that are absolutely going to date soon”.

“So, uh, Laf. If you don’t mind me asking, you said your pronouns were they and them. What is your gender?” Peggy questioned.

“Well, _Mon amie_. The truth is, uh, wait a second I forgot the word… I have no fucking idea,” He smiled, “But I know that I’m not a boy, so I guess it fits in the Non-binary term. I don’t know. Genders are confusing.”

“Yeah…” She agreed, slowly nodding.

The exchange between Lafayette and Peggy left Alex, and probably Angelica and Eliza too judging by the look on their faces, what that was all about. But no one was going to pressure Peggy into anything. They trusted each other like siblings.

The conversation then took a turn at each person’s occupations. Angelica told them about her ambitions as an entrepreneur, exclusively concentrating on business that will help women.

“I don’t know exactly what it will be, but it will change the world. I know that much, at least,”

Eliza just said she was a musician.

“Oh c’mon Eliza, stop being modest!” Peggy exclaimed. “She’s not ‘just a musician’ for fuck’s sake. She’s studying in fucking Julliard! And she got in with a scholarship too! She’s amazing!”

“What about you, Peggy? What do you do” Hercules asked.

“I write for a local newspaper. It’s pretty cool,” She answered casually.

There was a silence, where Herc nodded, clearly interested. The Peggy fake-coughed and added:

“I wrote about the protest where you two met,” Pointing at Alex and John, sitting next to each other, almost too close to each other, but not quite.

Alex blushed (again), at the mention of their meeting.

Alex had to do something.

His brain’s gears were working at full speed, a thousand thoughts per second of every possible course of action. What he could say what he could not say, what he could do…

Under the table, he felt a hand interlacing its fingers with his. Long fingers that belonged to such a soft hand, a hand that fits Alex’s perfectly, sending sparks up his arm, making his insides feel all warm and fuzzy.

Oh God, what a cliché.

But there was something about John that made Alex feel like every rom-com movie, every romantic book and every love song in existence were blended all together inside him.

“Yeah? What did you write about it?” John said, his face or demeanor lacking of any hint to anyone about what was going on under the table.

“Well, I wrote the facts, of course, that’s the basics of journalism, even if Fox News seems to forget that, but yeah, I also commented on how violent the right-wing protestors were. I mentioned you, and a few other people getting punched.”

“Did you mentioned I punched back? People have to know I punched the dude back, Peggy, or else I’m never forgiving you. I have a reputation to maintain…” He joked.

“Of course I did, John. I said I wrote the facts. I did mention you punched the guy because you did. I just put an emphasis on the fact that they started it,”

The evening was light-hearted and casual, nothing too deep was discussed. Hercules, Peggy, and Laf seemed to get along very well and John and Angelica were having a lengthy discussion about social rights for woman, to give her ideas for a business by the time they were leaving the café.

When everyone stood up and pushed their chairs in, John tugged on his hand, pulling him to the side.

“I guess this was our second date, huh?”

“Yeah, I’d like to think so,” Alex smiled shyly.

“You also earned the approval from Hercules and Lafayette. No one has ever done that before,”

“Oh, really? Am I that special, my dearest Laurens?”

“Of course you are, Alexander. You truly are something special,”

“Well, the sisters loved you, so you’ve got the Schuyler seal of approval. You could put that on your resume,”

“That’d be nice,” John whispered, dreamily, while looking at Alex.

“Look, John, I have to go but…” Alex said, “I really don’t want to. When can we meet up again?”

“Tomorrow, the day after, whenever you’d like to, Alexander.”

“I’ll text you, okay? And I’ll give you daisies and grass, apparently” He chuckled.

“Sure thing,” John said, brushing a strand of hair from Alex’s face and then pulling him into a hug.

The moment was perfect. The way John said Alex’s name made him weak at the knees. The tight, warm embrace was a place Alex never wanted to leave. John’s curls were tickling his neck a little bit. John’s arms were completely around him.

When Alex let go (only because the sisters were hurrying him up, they really had to go now), John’s arms lingered around him a second longer. And Alex still could not help but notice how perfect John really was, whether it was up close, from his apartment door as he waved goodbye, whether it was him laughing, or him running away from the police, bleeding or holding him.

_God, he’s fucking cute._

_Oh shit._

Alex was fucked. Very fucked.

Alexander Hamilton found himself hugely smitten with one John Laurens.


	5. You came in and I was free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I'm back.  
> Yes, I have the next like 4 chapters planned.
> 
> Also, you guys need to tell me whether you'd like a sad ending or a happy ending because at this stage it could go either way.
> 
> I also imagined the whole phone call with Eliza and Alex, so I might even include the other side on the next chapter. You'll see what I mean when you read the chapter.
> 
> Also, I really apologize for the ridiculous amount of time in between updates, I promise I won't give up on this one.
> 
> Please, please, please, leave a comment and/or kudos if you liked it!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!

John was hanging out at Alexander’s apartment for what felt like a completely new thing even though it was probably the millionth time they found themselves sitting on Alex’s couch, two empty mugs that had hot chocolate earlier in the afternoon, a blanket over the both of them and the two sitting in completely comfortable silence. But each time, John noticed, Alex sat closer to him while he was writing something else, as he usually was. Each time that Alex moved to a more comfortable position, John observed, there was slightly less space between the two of them. Less space, they were closer.

Closer and closer but yet never close enough. Always felt like miles were separating John from Alex’s lips, from his heart. He had been close to the end of the race a few times now, a few times where the lighting was just right and the mood was perfect and Alex was on his arms and his face was only inches away from his and he could see Alexander’s blush and it would be so easy to close the gap but suddenly as if they had both been electrocuted, they pull away at the exact same time, the familiar pang of frustration always there to remind him he could never really have Alexander.

John was too absorbed in the task at hand, trying to figure out how to sketch Alexander in a way that would make justice to his gorgeous face and trying to figure out _what the fuck was he going to do because this man is gorgeous and I’m in too_ _deep_ , to notice the first few buzzes in Alexander’s phone.

Minutes passed and John noticed, but Alexander’s face was too enticing for his eyes to move away, his thoughts taking all his concentration away from the phone on the table.

Then there were more buzzes.

And they kept on going.

Finally, John looked away to see that is was Eliza, otherwise known as “Best of wives and best of women” on Alexander’s phone, texting him. She seemed very excited.

“Uh, Alexander?”

“Yes, John?”

 _Gosh, his voice is so raspy and so soft and that’s probably what he would sound like if he had just woken up. He’s probably really grumpy in the morning._ He thought. But his stomach flipped at the sound of his name being said like that, his mind jumping to scenarios in which they get to share a bed every night and he can kiss Alexander good morning and…

“Your phone,”

“What?”

“It’s been going off like crazy, Eliza has been texting you like, I don’t know, ten messages per second, maybe?” Alexander looked up with a smirk,

“Getting jealous?” His tone was low and was almost like a growl.

“Jealous? I ain’t jealous, why would I be jealous? Whatever” Alexander laughed and picked up his phone.

_Great job John, running your mouth like that, he probably thinks you don’t like him. Or he probably just thinks you’re way too desperate and never stop thinking about him. Which isn’t that far away from the truth but that’s beside the point._

“What!? No way? Betsey really?” Alexander was on a call, sounding as excited as a kid on Christmas day,

“So she said yes? Oh my god, Eliza, that’s great! Holy shit! That’s amazing! Do Angelica and Peggy know?” There was a pause, “Yes, of course, they picked up the phone before me. Yeah, John’s here so thank him for getting me to look at my phone,” Another pause. “Yes, he made me stop to have hot chocolate. Yes, I got up and walked around and everything. Fuck, Eliza, I swear to God, I wish, but it’s not up to me. If you say that we’re basically in love one more time I’m going to scream. Whatever, Betsey, go have fun with Maria. Go be gay and in love, you deserve it. Love you, bye”

John tried to pretend he wasn’t listening, which apparently was enough to keep Alexander in the same room while he spoke to Eliza.

_I wish._

_Not up to me._

_We’re basically in love._

John’s thoughts were basically going at a thousand miles per hour.

Alexander was talking about him, because of the hot chocolate. Did that mean the rest of the conversation was about him? No, that wasn’t it, John knew Alexander and if there was anything that man was, it was straightforward. He would say whatever was on his mind, to whoever about whatever.

It was just his wishful thinking making him believe that Alexander might like him back.

But it wasn’t just that either, John noticed. Because, what happened if Alex did like him back? It wasn’t as if he was completely ready to date a guy.

He wasn’t ready to be disowned by his father, he wasn’t ready to step out of the shadows, he wasn’t ready to take Alex home to South Carolina, or to even let Martha and his other’s siblings find out about Alex, even if at least Martha knew he was gay.

On the other hand, he already had accepted his fate as the black sheep of the Laurens family.

“John?” He heard Alexander’s voice, distant.

“John, are you okay?” Alex asked again.

Alex knew he wanted to kiss John, and hold him tight, and scream his name under his body, sweaty and passionate, and he wanted to hold his hand and be able to wake up each morning with John’s face only centimeters away from each other.

But he felt a chain holding him back, he didn’t know exactly what he felt. He knew what he wanted, but was he looking for an experience or for feelings? Alexander Hamilton was capable of many things, but handling feelings like a relatively normal human being was basically impossible.

“Huh, yeah, I’m all good, just, uh, lost in my thoughts,” John explained.

“Well, great news! Eliza and Maria are finally dating!”

“About time. How long ago did they meet?”

“Probably like three months ago, maybe, even more, to be honest,” He replied. His phone buzzed in his hand.

_Message from ZeroToHero_

_[16:34] party at Laf’s, tonight at 8 pm._

_[16:37] BRING JOHN IT’S IMPORTANT BTW_

_[16:43] we’re honestly sick of seeing u two dancing round each other_

_[16:44] laf said he’ll get u drunk if that’s what it takes_

_[16:45] but I’d also lock u up in a closet bc dats gay_

_[16:47] and also bc tjeff and jmads are gonna be there_

_[16:47] and angie has already told me how much u hate them_

_[16:47] don’t punch em pls_

_[16:48] but defs come_

_[16:51] with john ofc_

_[16:51} also don’t tell john that we’re trying to hook y’all up bc he’ll kill me_

_[16:51] bai be there or be square whatvs that means lol_

_[16:52] and also btw u don’t know why I asked u and not him bc he will ask and the answer is idk_

“Hey John, you and I are invited to a party at Laf’s tonight, I have no idea why he asked me, but he probably knew you were here anyway.” He shrugged.

“Okay, well then, I better go home and get changed,” John stood up, “But I swear to God, Alexander if you start working again after I leave, I’ll kick your sorry ass into tomorrow because you need a break. And that break is now.”

“Bu-“

“Non-negotiable. Actually…” He considered for a second. “I’m taking your laptop. That way I make sure you stop working and maybe even take a nap, and also I make sure I see you again.”

“Oh! Is this a date you’re proposing, my dearest Laurens? “He raised his eyebrows in amusement “Either way you will never be able to get rid of me, sorry to tell you that, it’s also non-negotiable,”

“Fine, but I’m taking your laptop,”

“Fuck you, Laurens, why the fuck do you have to take care of me like this? I used to actually get shit done before you came,”

“Yes, but did you sleep at least 6 hours each day? No, I didn’t think so. Bye!” And the door closed, and his laptop and like a hurricane, John was gone too.

_What the fuck was happening to his life, dear God. He never got invited to parties, he never slept and he never felt the things he felt for John._

It was weird, it was foreign. Alex didn’t know what was happening to him. Even Angelica couldn’t take his laptop without a fight. Eliza never managed to lower his caffeine intake to 4 cups a day and not even Peggy, the most social person Alexander knew, could get him into parties like this.

And John just came in, sometimes it felt like a hurricane, a whirlwind of emotions and feelings that made Alex’s brain scream “Hide! Hide before you get hurt!” but urged his heart to move forward, into the eye of said hurricane with a constellation in his face. Sometimes, on the other hand, it felt just like a small breeze, a refreshing gush of air that came in and made every color vibrant, made everything a little more exciting.

And like a gush of wind, he felt, lightweight and free. His mind tied him down, stopped him from getting too attached to someone, but John came in and somehow, he tried to cut the ropes that held him. He knew it was going to take a lot of work. But he knew one day he might fly away with John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw if anyone is interested, I am looking for someone to beta this fic so if u want to hmu, my tumblr is i-am-papa-churro (no longer alcoholicbeverage or LaRevolucixn17)


	6. in which alex finds beer disgusting but john adorable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alex is about to get drunk off his ass, but we're not quite there yet. banter/sexual innuendos are always a must.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow!  
> I got so many comments and kudos on the last chapter that I was extremetly motivated to write the next chapter as soon as possible so here it is. It's a bit short (yes, it's only a little bit over 1000 words) but I feel like I left it off where I had to.  
> Drunk Alex is in the next chapter, I promise.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!  
> Feel free to leave some kudos and/or comments! They honestly make my day!
> 
> Also: leave a comment saying if you'd rather have a happy ending or a sad/angsty ending to the fic, because I already planned most of it and at this stage it could be either one.
> 
> Love you all,   
> Cat

“So what’s the occasion?”

The music’s bass was humming constantly and quite a few people were there, judging by the noise levels that came from Laf and Herc’s apartment.

“Oh, we just wanted to have some fun, we know that you’re probably overworking yourself, as usual, John probably wants to dance” The mentioned winked at his friend with a mischievous look on his face.

“Eliza and Maria are buzzing with energy,” Lafayette continued, “and I think we could all just drink something and have fun. You might be able to meet some cool people here, as well.”

“So who’s here?” John asked, bouncing with excitement.

“So, the Schyulers, Maria, Thomas and of course James because when have you seen one without the other, Aaron, Theo, Herc and I,”

At the mention of the man in the beanie, as if he had been summoned by the sound of his name, Hercules materialized in front of Alex and John with two beers in hand.

“I-I don’t know if I’ll like it…” Alex hesitated to take the drink.

If he had to be honest, he’d never really liked not having control of his own mind, and the prospect of getting drunk scared him. He had heard a million horror stories about people getting too drunk for their own good and losing their money and their keys and their dignity along the way. Even if at some point he had been offered a can like the one Hercules was offering him, he had never had a stronger, more compelling reason to take it.

John Laurens looked personally offended. And that voice inside his head telling him to quit being stupid and stop looking at the slightly-taller-and-very-handsome-hot-and-cute man in front of him and forbid himself from making a bad decision. At least that’s what he thought it was.

“What?! You've never had a beer?” John giggled, and the sound of his cute, feather light laugh was like the purest of songs, making Alex’s heart skip a beat. “That’s cute!”

“Shut up, Laurens. I’d like to keep my dignity intact, at least for another night,”

“With me around, that dignity of yours won’t be left in one piece,”

Alex could feel himself blush. Was that a promise to get him drunk off his ass? Or was that a sexual innuendo? Was Alex reading too much into this? Probably, yes. But that was the answer to which question? Alex didn’t know.

In a mocking tone, yet somehow he managed to still sound sweet, John said:

“Look Herc, since we have a little goody-two-shoes who has never touched alcohol in his life from what I’ve gathered, take Alex’s for now, I’ll give him some of mine until he’s old enough to drink from his own can.”

“ _Mon ami,_ I entrust you with the mission of making Alexander’s introduction to your Revolutionary Squad official. This is the, what do you call it… Rite of Passage!”

Alex couldn’t help but laugh when he noticed that Laf’s accent was thicker than usual when he had already drunk half a cup of beer (because he had been told, Lafayette didn’t drink beer or any sort of alcohol from cans, only from cups) and was pronouncing his R’s.

“So what you’re saying is that, if I don’t drink at least one can of beer, you’re going to kick me out of the squad and stop being my friends?”

“Yes, Alexander, that’s exactly what we’re saying. John here will make sure you stay friends with us,” Laf explained with wide hand gestures.

“I don’t make the rules, Alex. And I’d be damned if I let someone like you go,” John said earnestly. “C’mon, you don’t have to drink straight away, we’ll go inside and say hi to Peggy,”

John grabbed his hand and dragged him away, his other hand clutching the can.

_John grabbed his hand._

There was something weird about parties. How they made your body buzz with anticipation and also with a little anxiety, a fear of the unknown. How they made you lose some inhibitions like you were leaving your coat at the door, making it easier for magical things to happen.

Whether it was the music, or hormones or even the beer he was eventually going to drink, Alex didn’t know exactly what it was, but with his hand on John’s, he felt like he could do anything.

“Okay, so, heads up, beer actually tastes like absolute shit the first few times you have it but we’re here to get drunk, not necessarily enjoy the taste,” He warned as he extended the already half-empty can. “As long as you have a sip or two, I’ll let you off and I’ll tell Laf you drank the whole thing.”

“I thought you were in Laf’s side,”

That was when John stepped forward, slowly closing the gap between them, and then whispered to his ear, almost in a low growl:

“It’ll be our little secret, babygirl.”

Alex could feel goosebumps all over his body, his mind immediately going to a perverted and R-rated place, and a rush of adrenaline combined with fear and excitement and many other inexplicable things overtook him, so before he knew it, there was a foreign and bitter taste in his mouth, disgusting to say the least, but the warm sensation on the back of his throat was somewhat satisfying.

“Damn, Alex. Slow down, the night is still very young,”

“Fuck you, Laurens,” Alex said before downing the rest of the can, a daring look in his eyes that only lasted until he felt the taste of beer again. “Ugh! Fuck! It’s fucking gross,” He exclaimed, cringing.

“You don’t have to do this, Alex. I was only teasing you, you can stop drinking now,”

“But John, I want to do this!” He huffed. “Besides, I have you to take care of me,”

“Okay, fine. Just take it easy, one sip at a time, no more chugging down beer, or any other alcoholic drink, for that matter,”

“Yes, dad. I understand.” Alex faked a bored and monotone voice. “Now, beer is gross. What else is there to drink?”

Alex’s night was taking a turn, whether it be for the best or the worst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From here on, please, also let me know if there's something I haven't tagged because I want my tags to be as accurate and detailed as possible but I suck at tagging so I need your help! Tell me one tag I'm missing!


	7. pinky promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally bring you: Drunk Alex!!
> 
> I've never been drunk myself so I can't exactly claim to have the most accurate portrayal of a drunk person, especially since my family is great at pretending to be sober when they're at parties.  
> but, I can tell u the feelings part is true because I am basically projecting and day dreaming about my crush in this fic bc I'm gay and anyway.
> 
> thanks so much for reading!
> 
> hope you like the chapter!!

Three shots, half a beer and two hours later, John was in charge of a drunken Alexander Hamilton.

Now, he appreciated being able to see Alex like this, it was, in all honesty, completely adorable to have him basically hanging off John’s neck, his arms around him and his face buried in the crook of his neck, but he really needed to pee and Alex was sleeping in his arms.

They had been dancing for a while, to music that his mother had introduced him to before she died. It surprised Alex to know that John could actually move his hips very well and he knew how to speak Spanish and knew the some of the songs Laf was playing since he liked that music because he could shamelessly grind on Hercules.

 “I never knew you could dance like this,” Alex said with slurred words and heavy eyelids, his Caribbean heritage making his every movement seem effortless, even when drunk. “How come I never knew before? Also, how come you can speak Spanish and I also never knew that?”

“I guess it never really came up until now,” He knew that Alex was clearly drunk and while John was a bit tipsy himself, he was not nearly as intoxicated as Alex, and he was going to stop drinking now, to make sure that Alex would be okay.

“Who taught you? The Spanish and the dancing I mean,”

“My mom did,”

There was a silence, the music was slowing down and they were sort of shuffling from one side to the other now, not really making an effort to seem like they were dancing, Alex clinging to John, trying to stay awake. He was a sleepy drunk person. How fucking adorable.

“Why don’t you ever tell me about her?” He asked carefully.

“She, uh, died when I was a kid,”

“Oh,”

“Yeah,”

Another silence.

“Was she a good person?” Alex asked, almost sounding like a little kid filled with naivety.

“She was a wonderful woman. Beautiful and kind. She made me the person who I am today,” John replied, tears rapidly forming in his eyes. This was such a sensitive topic, something that he never really talked about, yet here he was telling a drunken Alexander Hamilton his life story.

“What was her name?”

“Antonia,”

“Wow… that’s beautiful… when we have a kid, I say we call her Antonia after your mom. I bet she was lovely. She probably would get along with my mom so well. Let’s hope they meet in heaven.”

John almost choked with Alex’s words, but Alex didn’t seem faced by them. It seemed so natural for him to say things like this.

“Uh, Alex? Did you just say that we’re going to get a kid?”

“Yeah!” His eyes were bright with excitement. “Of course, you’re too pretty. I have to marry you, I like you a lot, Laurens,”

“W-what?”

“Your hair is pretty, also your eyes are pretty. And I really like your freckles too. They remind me of space, and yeah. Your smile is cute as well. So, yeah, let’s get married, John.”

John was blushing hard. If he thought that Alex had no filter when he was sober, there was no word to describe Alex when drunk.

“Alex, I think it’s time to go to bed now, you’re really drunk. I’m sure you can take Hercules’ bed for tonight,”

As they made their way down the corridor, John basically carrying Alex, John started to think.

What if Alex actually liked him? He usually spoke his mind about everything when he was drunk, and from what he had seen, Alex was exactly the same.

He looked back to the living room where Maria was grinding on Eliza, Laf and Herc were cuddling and Angelica was chatting with Thomas, while he looked longingly at James, who was chatting animously with Peggy. He made eye contact with Hercules, shot him a look and mouthed “Thank you,” as he pointed at Alex and then the door to Herc’s room. He nodded understandingly.

He laid Alex down in the messy bed, where he was quick to make himself comfortable. He looked so vulnerable when his guard was down and he wasn’t talking loudly and with wide hand gestures.

“John?” He asked sleepily.

“Yeah,”

“Don’t leave me,”

“What?”

“Don’t go, John, please,”

“I’m sleeping with you here, dummy, we have no way of getting home,”

“That’s not what I mean… I mean like… ever,”

“Alex, sleep. You’re going to hate yourself in the morning,”

“Joke’s on you, I’m going to hate myself in the morning anyway,” A pause. “And this is important, don’t go.”

“…Okay,”

Conversations in the dark weren’t a thing that happened often to John, but then again meeting someone like Alex only happened once in a lifetime.

“Everyone leaves, John? Why does everybody leave me?” He sniffed. “Am I really that bad?”

Alex sounded so heartbroken.

“It’s only a matter of time before Herc and Laf and Peggy and Angie and Eliz- Oh God, Eliza can’t know that I’m bad, I love her too much. Oh, fuck! John…” There were sobs making his frame shake so much, John was scared it’d break him.

“Alex, it’s okay. You’re not bad,”

“But everyone that I love leaves me,”

“I won’t leave you, I promise,”

“Pinky promise?”

“Pinky promise,” John said as he took Alex’s finger and intertwined it with his own.

The music was muffled and distant and it felt like a moment frozen in time, shielded away from everyone and everything else. In the small break, John thought that Alex was already asleep but he was going to take his chances anyway.

“Alex?”

“Mmhm?”

“I love you,”

“Okay,”

Alex clumsily patted the spot next to him, with an arm that looked as heavy as lead.

“Cuddle with me, my dearest Laurens,”

John just did as he was told.

“John?”

“Still here,”

“I love you too,”

“Okay,”

So, John felt asleep holding onto Alex, the promises that tomorrow brought and the hope that maybe, things could work out between them and he could soon call Alex _his._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, because I know exactly where this fic is headed, I'm going to try and avoid posting two chapters within 24 hours like I did before, therefore, I've decided I'm going to post once or twice a week but with a schedule.
> 
> Tuesday nights (Sydney time) - CHAPTER DEFS SHOULD BE OUT UNLESS I'VE SAID OTHERWISE.  
> sat during the day (again syd time) - Maybe a new chapter, depends if I have one or not, will probably tell u on the Tuesday  
> update
> 
> I am also looking for a beta for this fic! (and my wolfstar one check it out! ;D ) so hmu in the comments or in Tumblr ( i-am-papa-churro ) 
> 
> one last thing: this is the last chapter in which I ask you: happy ending or sad ending to this story?


	8. pretty neat kisses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes!! i posted this chapter when I was meant to!! i did a good thing!
> 
> anyway:   
> the public has decided, this will have a happy ending (yay!)
> 
> also, to keep me writing things, y'all should go to my tumblr: i-am-papa-churro and send me asks and stuff, validation keeps me writing basically.
> 
> i might not be able to post the next chapter exactly on time because its going to be a hard one to write.
> 
> thanks for reading!!  
> hope u enjoy it!

Alex felt like shit. Literally.

His head was pounding, the pain pulsating and spreading to every limb on his body. He could barely even open his eyes, the light that managed to get in through the blinds too harsh on his hungover body. His mouth had a very bizarre taste, the faint hint of the excess of alcohol mixed with the taste of hunger and dryness.

“What the fuck…” He groaned as he attempted to flip around to maybe get up, or throw up. Or both.

Except there was a body next to him, the person’s arms wrapped around Alex so comfortably that he didn’t originally realize he was there. A perfect fit for Alex’s frame, he could not help but notice, that being the only truly coherent thought in his dizzy mind.

_Shit._

John was cuddling with him, his features too remarkable and beautiful to be blurred by the worst of headaches.

He tried to move as slowly as possible, to let John sleep. He was probably exhausted after dealing with Alex the whole night.

_Wait_

Alex could not recall a thing from the night before after the point where he saw Maria and Eliza make out, decided he wanted to do the same with John and then took two shots, because fuck it. Fucking brilliant.

What did he do last night?

He barely got time to try and answer the question, since one movement that was a little bit too sudden made his stomach turn and somehow Alex made it to the bathroom without dying before violently throwing up.

“Alex, are you okay?” John was by his side before he realized, holding his hair and rubbing comforting circles on his back while he gagged and emptied his stomach, something he didn’t think was even possible, considering how much puke there was in front of him.

He weakly nodded when he felt less nauseous.

“Hey,” Alex said softly.

“You okay?” John kindly smiled.

Honestly, no. He did not feel okay at all. But John, as gorgeous as he was, also looked like shit (If John looked like shit, there was no proper way of describing how much worse Alex looked in comparison) so he was not about to whine.

“Yeah, just, ya’ know… Hungover as fuck,” He said as he used Herc’s mouthwash to feel less gross.

“You must be…”

“What time is it even?”

“Around 1:30 last time I checked,” John started to move away and offered him his hand. Alex took it.

Suspiciously, John didn’t let go. In fact, he intertwined their fingers together. Strange. Their touches used to be very short unless it was explicitly flirting (implicitly? Alex didn’t know if they were ever actually flirting at all) yet John was leading him back to Herc’s bed.

Conclusion: Something happened last night.

The most evident course of action: Ask and prepare for the worst.

“So…Um, John. What happened last night?” Alex asked as John handed him a glass of water that Herc must’ve left for them on his bedside table.

John froze.

_Oh shit._

“Well… you said you wanted to marry me.” John started, slowly and carefully dropping a bomb on Alex’s scrambled head.

_Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck_

“And that you liked- no, actually, you loved my curls and my freckles…”

“Oh, God, I-I’m sorry,” He didn’t know who was blushing more: him or John. “I-I had too much to drink and apparently I run my mouth too much when I’m drunk, I guess, which by itself is amazing because who would’ve thought th-“

“Shut up,”

“What?”

“Alexander Hamilton, shut up.”

John looked up. He looked hurt.

“Is it true?” He asked.

_FUCK THIS IS HAPPENING._

“John- I should’ve- I- You weren’t mean to-“

“Is it true or not, Alexander? Do you like me? Do you really think I’m cute? Would our dead mothers really love each other like you said they would? Is it true that we’re going to get married and adopt a kid called Antonia or was it all lies?”

“John…”

“I need to know, Alex! Since day one I’ve been trying to figure out whether you like me or not because I sure as hell do! So tell me once and for all if you do, because when you said those things last night, I barely slept because of you, Alex! You said all that sappy dumb shit and all I could think about was that I had you in my arms and how I wanted you to be with you. Forreal. I need to know. Please, tell me. Do you like me?”

“Yes,” It came out almost as a whisper.

“Okay…”

They were now sitting side by side, their hands almost touching but not quite, none of them daring to look at the other, too afraid to see what the next thing would be, but anticipation buzzing on their grossly hammered bodies.

“Cool,” John said, a little louder, as he shifted closer to Alex and their hands made contact.

“Awesome,” And John’s hand was brushing his cheek and all Alex could do was to wait in anticipation, letting John take his sweet time.

“Great,” John pressed his forehead against Alex’s.

“Yeah, pretty neat,” Was the only thing Alex could say.

Suddenly, the mood had changed and he forgot he was feeling sick ten minutes ago or that John basically had just exploded with a bunch of feelings, because he could feel all his senses tingling, sparks shooting up from the places where his skin and John’s were touching and he was finally able to really look at John’s eyes from up close. Nothing mattered anymore, just the fact that he was there, with John, who was about to kiss him.

He waited for this moment for so long.

And now John, oh so beautiful John was closing his eyes and tilting his face.

Alex closed his eyes and gasped when their lips finally touched.

John’s lips were nice and gentle. They were a little bit dry but they made Alex feel like John was an angel and he was in heaven. His lips were sweet and tasted like what Alex imagined dreams were made of. The kiss was slow, it was kind, and it was everything that Alex had even hoped for, and even more.

It was perfect and even if they knocked teeth a few times, their kiss was unimaginably perfect.

They pulled away when their bodies were screaming for air.

“What does this mean?” Alex said as John brushed a strand of hair from Alex’s face.

“It means we’re going back to bed until Lafayette comes and kicks us out,”

“No, I mean like, us. What does it mean about us?”

“Well, after that kiss, who wouldn’t want to date you? Gosh, Alexander Hamilton, you are truly marvelous, my dear,” John said, pressing a short kiss to Alex’s lips.

Alex could live like this.

It was pretty neat after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so they finally kissed!!
> 
> next chapter is SPOILERS: smutty, but i have never written a smut before so be kind y'all.
> 
> hope you all liked it, leave a comment and/or kudos and if u rly like it, do the thing where it tells u i updated bc im updating weekly.
> 
> thanks for reading!!
> 
> next chapter coming next tuesday night (sydney time btw)


	9. sing a song for me, babe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they do the do;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so im back!! im sorry i said saturday but actually updated today. honestly i wanted to do this chapter right and i needed extra time since i've never written smut.
> 
> tuesday updates are back!
> 
> thank u also, to all the people who commented really nice things, it really meant a lot to have so much support, specially when it comes to mental health.
> 
> anyway, if you do not wish to read smut, there's not much plot here so there's no big important things that ur gonna miss.
> 
> please please please leave some comments, specially giving me feedback, i rly wanna work on writing smut.
> 
> thank u for the support and for reading!  
> kudos/comments are loved, appreaciated and cherished!!

“John, mi amor, you have to let me go,” Alex said lovingly as he tried to loosen John’s tight hold around his waist. “I fucking stink I really need a shower. And clean clothes,”

John wasn’t having it. “But I’m going to miss you,” He pouted, “Baby, don’t go,”

Alex couldn’t help but giggle at the name. Being able to call John cute names and have him begging not to go was so wonderfully new to him. He had hoped for something like this for so long, imagined himself with John, dating John, being John’s boyfriend, and here they were, in John’s apartment, cuddling on the sofa after Lafayette kicked them out because he needed to clean up (Not before making a huge deal out of their new relationship status) and Alex _really_ wanted a proper shower with clean clothes.

It’s one thing to quickly shower at Lafayette’s and putting on last night’s clothes and actually cleaning himself up.

He still had a bit of a hangover, but he seemed to be great at handling that, for it seemed that it wasn’t anything a bunch of internet cures and a few painkillers couldn’t fix.

“C’mon babe, let me shower,” Alex looked into John’s gorgeous green eyes and lowered his tone to almost a growl, “Maybe when I come back, I can show you a few things I’ve thought about since I met you,”

Alex took that opportunity to run, as John found himself startled with the prospect of fulfilling his fantasies.

“Oh my god, Alexander! You can’t do that to a man! You can’t say that and then just go away! Fuck Alex, you’re cruel!” John called out to Alex as he hurriedly made his way to the door.

Alex snickered and answered. “You’re the best, babe! Don’t miss me too much!”

As Alex walked down the stairs, he saw a million (maybe not a million but definitely a lot) text messages and missed calls from the sisters.

 _It’s true ;)_ Alex texted them back since they all basically knew what had happened. They probably saw the couple go into Hercules’ room the night earlier, or Lafayette had texted them already. Or both.

His trip back home was uneventful, except for a message every few seconds from John, who was whining for Alex to get back.

_Message from Mi Amor_

_[4:23pm] I hate you so much_

_[4:23pm] How dare you do this to me_

_[4:24pm] You better prepare because I am SO ready for you to get back_

_[4:25] How long until you get back?_

_[4:26] Babyyyy, cmon get back_

_[4:27] I miss you and I can’t wait to do all sorts of things to ya ;)_

_[4:28]Okay I’m gonna go now I sound drunk and I don’t wanna fuck u if ur stinky_

Alex felt lucky. He was having a great day.

He got home and walked towards the bathroom straight away. He was getting eager.

Alex undressed and jumped into the shower, ready to clean up.

As the hot water hit the skin on his back, Alex, who was lost on own thoughts, started to make his way down to his half erect member, as his thoughts traveled back to John. Always back to John.

He imagined the way John would kiss him, roughly and passionate, harsh and full of want, getting a gasp out of him straight away.

How John’s hands would undress him, John eying him up and down, leaving dark marks all over his body, claiming him as his with every bite on his skin.

His hand moved down to his erection, lazily pumping up and down, his thumb going over the slit, the hot, steamy water against his skin heightening the sensation.

He imagined what it would feel like to have John’s dick in his mouth, his fingers tightly gripping on his hair, guiding him up and down his length.

He imagined John moaning his name with such lust that just the thought of it, John calling out his name, calling his beautiful, praising him and finishing in his mouth, all of that, was enough to bring Alex to the edge, a familiar warm sensation filling up his lower abdomen.

“God, John! Fuck me!” Alex hurried the pace, his fist moving quicker now, up and down, relentlessly, until he could not hold out anymore and warm strings of pearly white cum were shooting from his cock. “Yes, yes. Fuck, John, I need you, please,” He begged to thin air, not feeling satisfied and needing more. Needing John more than ever.

He quickly finished, cleaned himself off, got dressed and rushed back to John’s place.

He had been looking forward to this since the minute he realized he liked John, Alex had touched himself multiple times to the thought of John and ever since the minute he brought it up to John and he saw him as eager as he was, he could not get the thought out of his head.

John Laurens was going to fuck him.

Alex walked (actually, he ran) up the stairs, excitement and lust running wild in his veins.

Before he could even knock on John’s door, his boyfriend was already grabbing him by the waist and pulling him inside the apartment, instantly and frantically locking lips together, pushing him against the wall, with a roughness that made Alex’s cock ache with need.

This kiss was different from any other. Where the other ones were soft, lovely and pink with love, this one was hard, passionate and red with desire.

The kiss went on, John pressing deeper, softly biting at Alex’s bottom lip. Tongues were added into the equation, and they only let go of each other when their lungs were burning, begging for fresh air.

“I am so fucking lucky,” John gasped, eyeing Alex up at down, raising a brow at the visible hard-on in Alex’s pants. His hands started roaming under John’s shirt, making him hum in appreciation. “Let me love you, Alex. Let me make love to you, show you how much I need you with me, cariño,” He said as his lips strayed from Alex’s lips and started sucking deep purple marks on Alex’s neck.

Alex let out a moan. “Y-yes, John, ah, baby don’t stop, keep going, _please,_ ” He chanted, over and over, like a prayer.

John tugged at Alex’s shirt and left it forgotten somewhere on the floor, then did the same to his own.

“Baby, you look so pretty, moaning for me like that,” John growled with a lustful tone.

Alex then felt a familiar warm sensation stir inside him.

Then all stimulation that John gave him was gone. His muscular arms picked him up bridal style when he felt his knees turn to jelly due to neediness, and carried him to John’s bed, dropping him there.

John crawled above him, planted a knee on either side of him, locking their lips together once more, straddling him, and rubbing their erections together.

He kissed him gently, making his way down in a painfully slow pace, until his lips were on his hips, kissing them, making his stomach flutter with anticipation.

“Sing a song for me,” John said, looking up at him with falsely innocent eyes, almost begging him for his cock. He tugged at the pants, pulling them down to that his dick was almost exposed.

Alex was already a moaning mess.

“Please, please, John, plea- Oh God!” John took Alex’s cock into his mouth through his boxers, making him writhe and grasp at the bedsheets with his fists.

His pace was slow at first, but it made Alex whine, overcome with pleasure, to feel the wetness of John’s mouth on his erection, eating him up like he was a starving man on his last meal. His hands automatically grabbed at John’s thick curls, guiding him, pushing him to go faster.

Alex moaned loudly, once John started giving little licks to Alex’s tip, leaking with pre-cum.

“Ah, b-babe, please… I’m almost there,” He panted, once John took his whole length inside him, allowing Alex to feel himself down John’s throat, marveling at his boyfriend’s lack of gag reflex. John hummed for a second, pretending to consider Alex’s words before pulling out, with a loud pop.

“We can’t have you finishing off so soon, can’t we?” John said as he took off his pants.

He turned and walked to his drawer, from which he took a bottle of lube and then crawled over Alex once more.

“Am I going to fuck you, or ride you, Alexander?”

“Fuck me, please,” Alex whined, surprised at the neediness his tone exposed, but not caring much anyway.

“Touch yourself for me, my pretty boy,” John said, lifting Alex’s legs up to give him access to his hole. As Alex began to move his hand up and down his shaft, John poured the lube on his fingers and rubbed them together to warm it up. “You ready?”

When the first finger went in, Alex felt as if he had died and gone to heaven. John’s long, nimble finger was slowing working his hole open, making him let out a loud, uncontrollable moan, and making him squirm, pushing himself into his hand, needing more contact.

A second finger went in, John’s finger’s scissoring inside him. The warm sensation flowing through his body, running through his veins, made it impossible for him to be quiet, and the same applied to John, who was quietly praising him, calling him pretty and telling him how good he looked.

Oh god, he wasn’t going to last much longer.

Before John could go for a third finger, he managed to mutter, “Stop,” and grab John’s hand.

“Are you okay with this? We can always stop if you don’t want to keep going,”

“I want to feel it,” He murmured. “Give it to me”

John’s brain didn’t quite click at first, “What?”

“Fuck me, like right now. No more fingering. I wanna feel your cock inside me, I need it,”

John’s eyes widened. He then made his lips meet Alex’s, swiftly and softly, and whispered, “Babygirl, you’re going to be the death of me,”

He didn’t hesitate to then put Alex’s legs on his shoulders and align his already wet tip on Alex’s gaping hole.

Alex gasped at the feeling of John’s long cock splitting him open. He heard John groan. He assumed he was concentrating on taking it slow. Alex wished he was riding him.

“Fuck John, don’t go slow!” He said, roughly grabbing John by the hips and slamming him inside him, making his insides burn, lust running wilder than ever through his veins.

“Sure?” John confirmed, before rocking his hips backwards and forwards, giving Alex the friction he so much needed.

Moans and sweat filled the room, John fucking Alex, making him forget his own name, repeating John’s name like a prayer, begging him for more, over and over again, as John thrusted into Alex’s tightness, roughly, the audible sound of skin against skin being the only other sound present.

John’s dick brought tears to Alex’s eyes, as he slammed inside him.

“YES! YES! OH, JOHN! YES!” He hissed. John’s eyes were closed, his mind drifted to another layer of pleasure.

John hit his prostate, making him jump, his dick already glistening. He loved watching John’s dick disappear inside him over and over again. His body started to shake, John fucking him into the mattress, making his fists grasp at the bedsheets, his prostate being abused by John’s hard cock.

“I-I’m almost there,” He moaned, his orgasm one thrust away, “Don’t fucking stop,”

“Come for me, babe. Let yourself go,” John gasped, thrusting into Alex once more, before losing himself in the feeling of Alex’s muscles clenching around him, making him orgasm, finishing inside him.

Alex’s whole body shook with the sudden wave of immense pleasure that hit him once John moaned his name loudly, a shock of electricity making him limbs weak and the ripples of his mind-blowing orgasm almost making him pass out, pure bliss as John leaned down and kissed him, then licking up the white stripes left on Alex’s chest.

“Gosh, I’m crazy for you,” Alex muttered, eyes closed, as John begrudgingly got up and got a cloth for them to get clean with, since Alex refused to get up, the high of the act still leaving him blissfully unable to move.

“I freaking love you, Alex,” John answered, “But you’re a dick for making me move,”

“Awww, what a sap,” Alex answered, “Hurry up, though. I’ll make you hot chocolate later,”

Alex never got around to making John hot chocolate, as he felt asleep as soon as he was fully clothed and pulled into a warm embrace in John’s arms, cuddling him, falling asleep together.

They felt infinite. Maybe they were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> psa: i promise to u the spanish will never be incorrect bc my first language is spanish and i promise to you, i will not google translate french, i'll find an actual french speaker to help me.


	10. please leave the house

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!!
> 
> so this chapter is a bit of a filler chapter, better things to come next week!
> 
> im not really happy with the way that it turned out because there is not that much substance to the chapter but i guess that what fillers are for. fill in the gaps.
> 
> i guess i also used this chapter to try and understand Laf (and fail miserably) and also close a lot of gaps I had left that I only realised like three days ago. honestly this chapter is a mess and laf and herc are probs ooc and idk its probably my worst chapter.
> 
> anyway, feedback and comments are always 100% loved and appreciated.
> 
> hope you all like it!  
> thanks for reading  
> -cat

“Alex, John. As much as I love you both, please get the fuck out of my house. This place is fucking disgusting.” Herc said, leaning against his doorframe. “Also, stop being all coupley. You’re going to end up fucking in my bed and that would be the worst. Please don’t make me regret getting up even more,”

“What?!” Lafayette said, hoping that he didn’t mishear what Hercules said, “ _Mon Amour,_ rewind, please. They’re being… coupley?”

“Yeah, what about it?”

“THEY’RE DATING?” Lafayette rushed into Hercules’ room (which, since they started dating, it was more of a guest room, since Herc spent most nights with him).

“I guess so. They look pretty gay in there,” Herc muttered, looking around in disbelief of the mess they had to clean up.

He ran, almost tripped over bedsheets that were kicked by his two friends, sprawled on the bed, Alex’s leg almost protectively draped over John, his arm loosely wrapped around Alex.

Herc’s wake-up call clearly worked since the two were now lazily moving, stretching and looking into each other’s eyes fondly.

“Hey,” John said, with a stupid smile, looking fondly at Alex.

“Hi,” Alex giggled, his hair everywhere but where it should be, somehow defying the laws of physics.

They looked at each other like that for a few seconds, not even noticing the two other men in the scene for a second.

“Alexander, John. As happy as I am for the both of you, I need you to get out. It’s almost noon and this place is so dirty,”

“No! Herc, they finally got together! We should have lunch!” Laf said, a thick French accent clear in each of his words.

“As much as I’d love to take up on the offer, Laf, I really want to shower. And drown myself in some more painkillers,” Alex said, sitting up.

“John, you don’t even live here anymore, follow your boyfriend’s wisdom. Please go,”

And so the fresh new couple left their apartment, holding hands and radiating happiness and light in a way that no hungover person should be allowed to do.

Herc was a clean freak, Laf had come to find. He himself was quite particular on keeping everything tidy, something that used to come in handy when John was living with them. Even so, sometimes things like his best friend finally getting together with his long-time crush made him forget that things were messy quite often.

John had left them in that apartment like a quick breeze that came and left but brought a storm with it. It had happened a few weeks after he’d started officially dating Hercules (there were many months before that where they were playing a game of cat and mouse but none of them knew which was who) and John had gotten a call from South Carolina.

His father.

Lafayette never liked Henry Laurens. He’d heard enough stories about the way that he treated people and excused with grief over John’s late mother. Except that grief only seemed to affect his ability to be a decent human being and seemed to be an unending pool that was accessible whenever Henry wished to use it.

Gil remembered the night very clearly. Panic attacks are not necessarily the easiest thing to forget.

He’d stepped out of the living room, into his own room for some privacy. Except the thin walls around them did not muffle John’s loud voice as his frustration built up.

Then came the sobs.

Gil rushed in, opening the door to see John with his hands holding his head, curled up in a corner, shoulders shaking unevenly.

“I-I have to go… He- He wants me to go,” John cried. “He said I-I can’t live with you anymore”

The night wasn’t pleasant.

In summary, the story went like this: Since Hercules was a Design student and Lafayette was very outspoken about gay rights, Henry Laurens had somehow found out, was not very happy about that because he thought that his friends were a bad influence on him and ordered him to move out, whatever the cost may be to him.

John moved out a week after.

So it was the most wonderful of surprises to see his best friend in the world starting to feel better. He could see the lightness in his step as he walked out. John was going to be fine. Alexander was going to make sure of it.

Sure, Laf thought, things like that don’t just go away by dating someone. He should know, of all people, but it definitely helped to have someone to share your issues with. And between the both of them, Alexander and John had a lot of issues to work on.

“Herc?”

“Yeah,” Hercules answered, as he collected some cans and cups off the floor. The house wasn’t a complete mess, but they both knew it was now the moment to clean up.

“Are you okay? You seem a little off. You were, I guess, harsh, on John and Alex.” Laf said tentatively.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” His broad shoulders dropped. “It’s just that, everybody is getting together, like you and I, and Eliza with Maria and now John with Alex and I can’t help but think if we’re like, legitimately growing up? Like are we about to settle down,”

Laf walked towards his boyfriend and wrapped his arms around his neck, their foreheads touching.

“So, you’re saying that you can see us settling down in this apartment? Just the two of us?” He smiled.

“Maybe,” Herc said, a smile on his face, “but that’s not what I mean, I just don’t wanna get old yet, y’know?’

 “Yeah,”

The day went with them cleaning, then ordering takeaway and taking a nap in Laf’s bed.

The day after, Laf woke up with a text from Alex.

_Message from Le Petit Lion_

_[9:21 AM] Okay Laf, you know how much I love John and being with John and John’s company and all_

_[9:21 AM] But I need you to get rid of him for a few hours_

_[9:22 AM] I have to write a paper due tomorrow and honestly hes so distracting???_

_[9:23 AM] like what??? How is he??? So???? Damn? Attractive??? I cant even write w him here so_

_[9:24 AM] pls_

_“_ Hey, Herc, wanna grab lunch with John? Or go on a crazy adventure instead?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave kudos/comments if you liked it
> 
> follow me on tumblr @i-am-papa-churro and even let me know you came from here! i might post updates on the progress of the fic there if i know enough people will look at it!


	11. speeding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> better chapter than last week!!
> 
> i almost didn't publish this on time bc of my hecka busy schedule bc of school and work and all the other stuff but i managed and i like this chapter a lot so yeah bois 
> 
> next chapter we get a weird feelings talk with alex and tjeffs!!
> 
>  
> 
> thank you all for reading!   
> kudos and comments are always greatly appreaciated, loved and cherished

“You and Alex did _what?!”_ Lafayette exclaimed over the pizza the three were sharing.

“Gil, can you like maybe not be so loud and tell the whole restaurant that me and Alex fucked?” John hissed, a light blush painting his cheeks. “I’m trying to open up and you’re going to snake me like that?”

Herc laughed: “Okay, true. But what’s the point of you telling us about what you do with Alex in your free time?”

John considered. Yes, he wanted to ask for advice, but vulnerability wasn’t his favorite thing, even if it was Lafayette and Herc we were talking about. He could trust the two to dye his hair (because letting the two do his hair could potentially lead to disaster and thank God it didn’t) but it was a whole different story to talk about feelings. More specifically, feelings of this sort.

“Well, um, so, you know how I…” He scratched his head, “Fuck, this is even more awkward. So, you know how I’m not exactly beyond one-night stands and stuff?”

“Uh-huh,” They both nodded, looking at him across the table, a puzzled look on their face.

“Yeah, well. I guess what I wanna say is that I’m really good at sex without feelings and hoping from one guy to the next, no strings attached, and no phone calls on the morning after. Not even a walk of shame,”

“Uh, sure,”

“And it was so odd,” John continued, hand gestures wild, “Don’t get me wrong, it was marvelous, but it was so odd to do it with someone like Alex. Like, for the first time, I felt like it was more than just bodies touching for pleasure. God, I sound so cheesy; it was so emotionally fulfilling and just so much more than I ever had,”

“And?” Herc said, taking a sip of his drink.

And John really meant it. He wasn’t sure if they were going too fast with Alex, but he was sure that whatever he felt was something he wanted for the rest of his life.

He loved to touch every inch of Alex’s tan skin, tracing his fingers down his spine, feeling him react to his every touch. He loved to hear Alex’s whimpers and cries of pleasure. He loved to hear Alex chant his name like a prayer, giggling sometimes with the excitement. He loved to help him clean up. He loved to embrace Alex and cover him in kisses before going to bed, holding each other.

For the first time, there was something truly intimate about sex. And it made John want to cry, an overwhelming mix of emotions that he hadn’t felt before about somebody else flooding his brain.

“I’m scared,” He whispered.

Lafayette slammed his hands on the table, “Scared of what?! You’ve wanted this since day one! What could possibly scare you _mon ami_?”

“Gil, let him speak,” Herc warned, taking Laf’s hand into his.

“Honestly, I have no idea. There’s just something so scary about actually being in a relationship. I mean, I’ve had things for guys before, but never mutual. And as I said before, I’ve hooked up with guys before, but nothing that meant anything. And this has meant something to me since the beginning. I always knew me and Alex was there to change each other’s life, as dumb as that sounds. And I honestly don’t know what to do with myself when I’m with him!” John ranted. “Laf, he makes me _feel things.”_

Lafayette intervened, “Isn’t he meant to do that, I’d assume? He is your boyfriend after all,”

There it was.

_Boyfriend._

There were so many things that scared John to the point he thought about it constantly. Sometimes it made him want to run away.

Some of those things were linked to whether Alex liked him back or not.

And now that those fears were stripped away and he had Alex’s hand to hold onto, he had to face some things.

Like the fact that he feels he might be pushing Alex into moving too fast.

Or the scary word that ‘Boyfriend can be’.

Even the fact that he wasn’t good with feelings.

But he was willing to work them, if only he was able to talk to Alex about them.

He didn’t want to lose him or scare him off because of how intensely he felt.

“Yeah, but it’s very intense. It’s all very, very intense,” John replied.

“I guess all you have to do is to talk to him. I mean venting is what got you together. And gets basically every other couple together too. And communication is important,” Herc said, looking at Laf.

“You’re not going to get anywhere if you don’t talk. But also, try not to fry your head and, as my mother would say, make brain soup. Just enjoy what you have, feel the way you want to feel. And when the time comes, talk about all of this to Alex. That’s what couples do. Figure things out together,” Laf added earnestly.

“Just be happy with him, man. Just be there and enjoy it,”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” John said, feeling his phone buzz in his pocket

 

_Message from Babygirl <3_

_[12:29 PM] fuckkkkk_

_[12:29 PM] john_

_[12:29 PM] john_

_[12:30 PM] jOHN_

_[12:30 PM] babe_

_To Babygirl <3_

_[12:31 PM] what’s up? im having pizza with laf and herc c:_

_[12:31 PM] also arent u meant to be working on ur project with_

_[12:31 PM] oh_

_From Babygirl <3_

_[12:34 PM] exactly!!_

_[12:34 PM] completely unrelated question tho:_

_[12:35 PM] if I were to get convicted of murder would u still love me_

_[12:35 PM] and also would u be my lawyer for free_

_[12:36 PM] idk if henry l. would approve of his son lawyering his boyfriend for free_

_[12:36 PM] is lawyering even a word?_

_[12:37 PM] see what this idiot does to me?_

_[12:37 PM] if tjeffs is declared missing in a few days, delete this chat;)_

“Alex?” Laf grinned cunningly.

“Correct. Also, Gil, can you remind me why the hell you get along with Thomas fucking Jefferson? He’s insufferable,”

“Oh, that’s what our dear Alex is ranting about now,” Laf answered, as he wiped his mouth. “I like him because we have similar experiences and we like the same things. Also, he happens to have some very good opinions on some things… I guess he’s agreeable,”

“Laf, just because he’s also into high-end fashion and speaks French doesn’t mean he’s not an asshole. He’s basically Washington’s teacher’s pet if you can even be that at this stage in life,”

“Whatever, maybe if you appreciated Mac N’ Cheese like we both did, you’d understand better, I guess,”

“Mac N’ Cheese is pretty cool, but nothing beats this pizza,” John said.

 

_Message from Babygirl <3_

_[1:07 PM] ok what the fuck_

_[1:07 PM] thomas is talking to me_

_To Babygirl <3_

_[1:08 PM] isn’t he like?? Ur partner??? Isn’t he meant to like ?? do that???_

_From Babygirl <3_

_[1:09 PM] no john_

_[1:09PM] like talking talking_

_[1:10 PM] asking me for advice with james???_

_[1:10 PM] the asshole can feel things?_

_[1:11 PM] also sappy af but why is he asking me how I managed to get w/ u?_

_[1:12 PM] like idek the answer myself bc I look at u and ur so gorgeous and perfect_

_[1:13PM] and im just me ??_

_[1:14 PM] idk im just rambing but ur cute n I rly rly like u (idk if its too soon to say ily but ily as well)_

_[1:15 PM] gtg but bye ily_

_To Babygirl <3_

_[1:20 PM] ily too babe <3<3<3 (if ur gonna be sappy i can do that too)_

_[1:20 PM] bc ur too cute and ur so smart and so passionate and u have a cute butt and I love ur hair_

_[1:21 PM] I also rly love ur eyes bc they’re so wise and I love ur giggles_

_[1:22 PM] I could do this forever but im leaving out laf and herc. Go study and be smart my love <3_

_[1:23 PM] ily bye_

Okay, maybe they were moving fast. But at least they were going at the same speed, John thought.

Gosh, it feels new to be in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow my tumblr @i-am-papa-churro


	12. damn southerners

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!!
> 
> this one is a lil late but its only because we're still trying to work out time zones with MJ (@asshole-a-ham on tumblr), the beta for this story!  
> anyway i really hope you like this chapter and ik things are a little slow and stuff right now but in this case patience doesnt yield focus it yields better and more intense fanfic chapters.
> 
> so, thanks for reading, big shoutout to MJ, if you like it, leave some kudos and/or comments, i promise i shall cherish them forever and ever.  
> -cat

“So you and John, huh?” Thomas asked, breaking the silence after an hour of work.

They had been put together for a project on Government Systems around the world, and Alex hated the mere fucking idea of having to work with Thomas Jefferson for a grade.

He and Alex never got along. Even if, surprisingly, there were some things that they agreed on, Thomas was a real dick about it when they disagreed. A smug asshole. A cocky bitch.

He’d even threatened to punch Thomas a few times - if it wasn’t  for Angelica, James, Aaron or Lafayette, he probably would’ve already broken Thomas’s nose. 

And thanks to Washington, he was stuck with him for at least an hour or two more before they could stop working and he could shoo Jefferson away from his apartment, and then invite John and the rest of their squad over.

“Yeah, so what? Are you gonna be homophobic about it? I thought you were gay,” Alex answered defensively. He could tell he was in for a discussion judging by Thomas’ tone.

“Alexander, how the fuck can I be homophobic and gay at the same time?”

“I don’t know, Thomas. How can you be black and believe in reverse racism at the same time?”

“For fuck’s sake…” Thomas sighed. “I’m trying to be nice, okay?”

Alex needed a second to consider before answering: “Alright, fine. Yes, me and John…dating. It’s great.”

“How?” Thomas asked, moving his laptop away in order to fully engage in conversation with Alex.

“What do you mean?” Alex answered. He sighed, reluctantly saying: “When two people like each other, in a roman-“

“Shut up, Alexander. That’s not what I mean. I meant like, how do you manage to get with the guy you like?”

“Oh, so you’re asking about James.”

“How the fuck- okay, never mind, fine. It is about James.”

“Thought so.”

“Anyway,” Thomas continued, blatantly ignoring Alex’s comment. “You know what’s been happening. we’re doing well, and you think it’s going to happen, and bam! We’re suddenly distant and we’re back to the beginning.”

“Okay…well, who’s fault is that?”

“What?”

“I mean, me and John were sort of like that but not quite like you two, getting to the point people think you’re dating and stuff, but I guess all I can say as to why is that we finally got together is that we just sort of both blew up and told each other everything. I don’t really know what would be the solution for you two, to be honest.”

“Geez, thank you so much,” Thomas replied, tone filled with heavy sarcasm.

“Maybe,” Alex carefully started. “Try to be less of an ally? Be more openly…gay or whatever, I guess?”

“Alexander, what the fu-“

“Okay, listen up. If something completely bizarre, worse-than- _Freaky-Friday_ shit were to happen and something from the deepest pits of Hell possessed me to have some gross feelings for you, I’d honestly think you’re one of those people who are suspiciously good allies. Because honestly, it’s almost like Aaron. You side with everyone who is convenient to get your way. Anyway, this whole thing revolves around the fact that you’re Thomas and James is the only friend you could count as ‘close,’ so because you have it for him, and you won’t tell him that, there is no real way of telling in which side of the line you’re on,  great ally or queer. And that just leaves poor Maddy even more confused.”

“First of all,” Thomas said, raising a finger to start his speech. “No. Simply, no. That’s a completely, utterly stupid theory. Hasn’t anyone seen me around James? Burr tells me I look like a fucking schoolgirl with a stupid crush.”

“Alright, sure. Whatever. But cut the simile part from that sentence, Thomas. You are fucking stupid.” Alex grinned. “And you do have a stupid cru- ow!”

“Why do I even bother? I should know better by now,” Thomas sighed, visibly resigning himself to his fate, as Alex rubbed the spot on his arm where Thomas had slapped him.

_ What a fucking asshole,  _ he thought.  _ I’m trying to help the bastard.  _

“Dude, we’re talking about James Maddison here. His self-esteem is so low. I mean, you could probably go ahead and mop the floor with it. Chances are, he probably thinks you’re just being nice. Real nice.”

“That’s impossible, Alexander. We’ve kissed before.” He paused, “Oh, God. How I miss it…”

Alex had seen a lot of things in his life. He’d seen his mother die. He’d seen hurricanes that could kill people and destroy entire towns and he had lived to tell the story. He’d seen every weird thing anyone could do when he was going from foster home to the next. 

He never expected to see Thomas Jefferson, that smug asshole, staring into nothing, grinning to himself and looking like a lovesick fool.

“How many of those times were both of you sober? I almost hooked up with John while I was drunk off my ass, and he didn’t think much of it. And this is John. John, who knows he’s hot and he can get with anyone he wants. I asked him to marry him, apparently. That didn’t even cut it. Imagine how James is doing.”

Apparently, that was the last straw for Thomas, who stood up, exasperated.

“You’re literally useless. So fucking useless. We haven’t even gotten halfway through finishing the damn project and you haven’t told me anything useful on how to get James. I have no idea why I even bother with such a dumb son of a bitch.”

That was so uncalled for.

“What the fuck, Thomas?!” Alex responded, just as aggressive. “I just fucking told you that James is basically in love with you and any idiot with two eyes can see it, except you’re just that stupid and won’t tell him! It’s not my fault that you moronic Southerners are born with such a thick ass skull. And it’s a group project, so you either sit your ass down and work or we both fail this shit.”

That seemed to shut Jefferson down. 

“I’ll send you my part when I’m done. Bye,” he muttered, then left.

Alex was left alone to finish his work, feeling puzzled, as he tried to process what had just happened. 

**_To Mi Amor <3_ **

_ [4:12 PM] So after all that stuff about James n shit, he got pissed and left for some reason _

_ [4:13 PM] which means u can come over and we can watch a movie _

_ [4:13 PM] and order pizza and cuddle _

_ [4:15 PM] i finished the project too so u wont have to make me stop typing at 3am _

_ [4:17 PM] u in or u still busy? _

 

**_From Mi Amor <3_ **

_ [4:22 PM] hells yeah im in babygirl, but I already had pizza tho soz _

_ [4:24 PM] imma go home first real quick to get my pjs and then i’ll be there _

_ [4:25 PM] can we watch the lion king? Or tangled? _

 

**_To Mi Amor <3_ **

_ [4:27 PM] of course! Can u buy sushi then? _

 

**_From Mi Amor <3_ **

_ [4:32 PM] On it! Be there in an hour maybe less  _

_ [4:32 PM] ily <3 _

 

**_To Mi amor <3_ **

_ [4:33 PM] ily too!<333 _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on tumblr (@i-am-papa-churro) <3


	13. lovesick fools

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the first time they truly say 'I love you'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all so im back with a chapter!!
> 
> this one turned out rly gay but then again so am i so it is no problem.
> 
> shoutout to MJ (@asshole-a-ham on tumblr) for making sure im not as shit lol
> 
> hope u rly like the chapter, give me your kudos and comments, i will love them forever and ever.
> 
> (also i think im gonna change the posting day to wednesday night (syd time) because it works out better for me bc of dance and school and stuff)  
> (can u believe i wrote 4 whole pages of this??? wowza)
> 
> see you next wednesday! thanks for reading!!

John needed to say it. He wasn’t going to last much longer before the urge got the best of him and he randomly blurted out the words.

Alexander was probably his soulmate. He could definitely feel that there was more to Alexander than just a boyfriend or whatever. He was important. He was here to change his life, to twist it and flip it upside down. John just sort of knew that. It was undeniable.

Alexander Hamilton made John feel a thousand new emotions every time he saw him. His scrawny shape was a reflection of his tendency to overwork himself, and although he couldn’t change every one of Alex’s quirks, he could at least hope to always be waiting for him in bed when Alex was ready to stop, or to be there to make sure Alexander slept.

Alex made him feel giddy when he smiled, when he giggled, when he blushed and every time he held his hand. 

Alex made him feel loved when he held him at night, when he stared at his face in awe, when he reassured him that he was there when nothing felt real except for the tightening of his chest. 

Alex made him feel like every day was a new adventure.

He needed to let him know.

He’d spent the whole night, tossing and turning, unable to sleep, trying to put into words everything he felt for Alex.

_ What a sap,  _ He thought. But in all honestly, John had never felt happier.

Having Alexander Hamilton in your life was like finding a map for a treasure hunt, where you were always finding new little wonderful things.

Like the fact that Alex wanted a tattoo but was scared it would hurt too much.

Or that he was afraid of planes.

Or that he never spoke before his second cup of coffee in the morning, unless he had pulled an all-nighter and didn’t sleep at all.

Or that he could hold a conversation about anything at any time.

Or that he knew a lot of things, some of which didn’t seem relevant to anything ever. 

Or even that he looked very cute with stubble and one of John’s jumpers that were too big on him, waking up in the morning with a messy bun that was almost non-existent.

There were so many things.

Like his favourite movie being Tangled and the Lion King. 

Or his favourite food not actually being pizza but was actually the chicken wraps that they sold in only one shop in the whole of New York City.

Or that he loved to watch John paint, and wrote pages and pages about his fingers, and his nose, and his hair and his freckles and although Alex thought he didn’t know about them, he could see the titles of the various pages he scribbled on.

There were just so many things.

John loved to run his fingers through Alex’s soft hair, loved staring into his eyes. Where Alex saw plain, boring brown eyes, John saw the deepest earthly colours, shades that hid all the riches the planet held. 

He loved to kiss him, as agile and as hungry for affection as he was. He loved to hear Alex whimper under his touch. He loved to intertwine his fingers with Alex’s. He loved to look at Alex when he was concentrated on his work. He even loved to hear him bitch and moan about whoever he was fighting with (usually Thomas Jefferson or Aaron Burr).

John was frustratingly, hopelessly and utterly in love with Alexander Hamilton.

_ What the fuck _ , he thought.

**_To: LrgBagette;)_ **

_ [3:51 AM] laf _

_ [3:51 AM] laf _

_ [3:52 AM] laflaflaflaf _

_ [3:52 AM] im so fucked holy shit _

_ [3:53 AM] i think im in love with alex _

_ [3:54 AM] like legit l o v e _

_ [3:56 AM] help _

 

**_From: LrgBagette;)_ **

_ [4:01 AM] john wtf _

_ [4:02 AM] its 4am  _

_ [4:03 AM] im trying to sleep _

_ [4:03 AM] just tell him idk bye _

 

**_To: LrgBagette;)_ **

_ [4:04 AM] wow thanks asshole _

 

Lafayette was an amazing friend. But when he was tired, he wasn’t helpful. At all.

He’d been dating Alex for a little over a month now and he still hadn’t said those three words. Those three words that didn’t seem like much but expressed everything he felt for him, without overcomplicating it.

It was different to write  _ ily<3  _ over text and actually say it.

That’s it.

John got up from his lonely bed. Alex was sleeping in his dorm because he wanted to finish some articles for the paper he wrote, and didn’t want to disturb John’s sleep. Like he wasn’t doing exactly that anyway.

He put on a random shirt he found on the floor, possibly one that he’d discarded one night while he slept; the heat was getting a bit too much.

He turned on the light and found a canvas that was just laying around (if your father was rich, there wasn’t a problem with buying art supplies, as long as they were disguised as something else, like groceries. After all, his father did think art was useless). 

He grabbed his brushes and his paint and just started to pour his heart out.

He used the colours that showed what he felt. Colours that showed who Alex was. Colours that showed who John was after Alex.

John worked on it for longer than he expected. He didn’t notice the colours of the dawn colouring the sky, his only concern was the colours of canvas in front of him. 

He didn’t notice when his phone buzzed, or when his feet started hurting from standing for too long, or even how tired he was. 

John just wanted to paint it.

By the time he was satisfied with the painting, the sun was already shining bright, rays lighting up the room, windows still covered by yellow curtains that were not drawn.

It was done.

After he finished putting everything away, he looked in the mirror. His hair was a mess, his face, arms and shirt were splattered with reds and purples and greens. His eyes were red, his expressions revealing how truly tired he was, but a satisfied grin spread across his face, showing quiet happiness.

John felt like he could grin like a lovesick fool until the day he died if he was with Alex.

But he also was a lovesick fool, there was no denying that.

He looked at his phone, a few messages from Alex were sitting there, unseen, waiting for an answer.

**_From: Babygirl <3_ **

_ [8:41 AM] im finished doing stuff if u wanna come over  _

_ [8:41 AM] or if u want me to come over _

_ [8:42 AM] sorry ur probs asleep _

 

**_To Babygirl <3 _ **

_ [8:44 AM] nah its fine babe I was awake _

_ [8:45 AM] rly tired tho but I made a thing for u _

_ [8:45 AM] so u come over, i’ll be sleeping but u have the key so _

_ [8:46 AM] see u soon darling<3 _

 

John decided to fall back asleep. Alex would wake him up when he got there.

He felt himself drift into unconsciousness.

Time had melted into something unrecognizable by the time John felt a weight on top of him, and then was smothered by kisses.

“Hey, John,” Alex cheerfully greeted him when he sat up. “I missed you,” 

“Aw, that’s cute,” John said, before wrapping his arms around Alex’s frame, pulling him into bed. “I have a thing for you, but it’s really sappy and stuff so…”

“Can I see it?” Alex’s eyes lit up.

John covered his face to hide his ever-blushing cheeks, as Alex pulled on his arm to get him off bed. 

“Alright, fine. But if you laugh at it, I’m breaking up with you,” John jokingly warned.

He then walked toward the canvas that he had covered with a random cloth. John then carefully removed it and waited for Alex’s reaction.

Alex looked shocked. 

Then he heard a little sob.

“Y-You made this for me?” He said, with a shy smile, wiping away a tear with the back of his hand. He seemed to recognise exactly what John wanted to express through the piece.

“Yeah, I-I made it because, I, um…” John answered, holding Alex, who was holding onto him tighter than ever. “I think I wanna say this. I made it because I love you,”

“Oh.”

“Is that okay?” 

“Yeah… I love you too, John. Thank you so much. I’m so lucky to have you,” he said, kissing John deeply.

There was something about Alex that drove him wild. Everything Alex did was amazing and made him feel so lucky to have him. No, Alex wasn’t lucky to have him. John had hit the jackpot when he met Alex.

His lips were made for John, and his hands were made for Alex and everything about each other made sense when they were together, like they were two puzzle pieces that fit together perfectly.

They were two lost wanderers and when they found each other, they weren’t lonely, and being lost didn’t seem to be so bad after all, when they were together.

When they were together, everything was okay. A little rough in the edges, but okay nonetheless.

So, yeah. Maybe they were in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on tumblr @i-am-papa-churro


	14. time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn bitch back at it again with the sappy gay shit!
> 
> so this chapter officially marks the day when shit just started going down and never stopped so brace urselves for an emotional rollercoaster damn
> 
> hope u like this!!
> 
> leave kudos/comments, they are cherished forever.
> 
> also chapter isnt beta'd yet. i'll update with the beta'd version when MJ gets back with the better quality version (enjoy this shitshow for now)
> 
> thank u for reading!!

“You know what, Alex?” John said to him. “The world could end right now and I wouldn’t even be mad. Just being here…right now. It’s just like we’re invincible,”

“John and Alex against the world,” He smiled.

John had planned an impromptu picnic under the stars, since apparently Alex was overworking himself again and most people were on summer break anyway. He’d found a cute little park near John’s apartment that had a pond nearby and a family of ducks.

They had spent the whole day there, eating homemade sandwiches and drinking cheap wine in plastic cups.

It was a nice evening, the day was warm and sunny, their life felt carefree.

The two of them danced to the music that came from Alex’s phone. They kissed and were happy. They were in love.

Now the both of them lay down on the blanket John had packed, John’s arm around Alex, as they looked up to the stars.

“Hey John, make a wish,” Alex whispered.

“Why are we whispering?” John replied, grinning.

“Duh. Because to make a wish you need magic and you can’t have magic if there’s too much noise, dummy. It’s basic knowledge. Everybody knows that,”

 “Oh, okay. Anything else I should know about magic before I make a wish?” Alex nodded.

“You can’t tell anyone what you wished for. And you usually wish upon a shooting star but there’s something about this moment… I don’t know, it just feels right,”

And it really did.

The stars were out, shining brightly, displaying their beauty to the couple. There were only a few distant noises, sounds that were characteristic of New York, and without them in the background, humming constantly, New York would not be New York at all.

New York. The city where dreams are made. The city that never sleeps. What better place for Alex to be? His dreams were big, his ambition could not be stopped by anything or anyone. He was going to change the world.

But it was fate or God himself or some greater deity that put him there at the same time as John Laurens. He got his ass to New York but destiny gave him the love of his life.

He wished for time.

Time stopped when he was with John.

He was invincible when he was with John.

Alex knew that everyone’s days on Earth were counted, like an invisible countdown to their inevitable ends.

No day is truly promised.

So, he wished for as many days as he could get, as many happy days with John as he could get. To grow old with John. To share everyday with John.

Time.

That’s all he wanted.

Time to change the world. Time to change himself. Time to love.

“Did you make a wish already, John?” He whispered, not wanting to ruin the moment.

“Babygirl, I don’t need to make any wishes. I have everything I need,” He answered, gently kissing his forehead.

“What a sap,” Alex giggled.

Using his index finger, John moved Alex’s head upward towards him so their lips would meet. Alex hummed with satisfaction as their lips met swiftly, John greedily pecking him without truly locking.

John ran his thumb over his lips, making him close his eyes with relaxation.

“You’re so gorgeous,”

“Stop staring. Kiss me,” Alex whined, faces inches away from each other.

“But I just want to look at you! The moon makes you look so pretty…” He said, finally kissing him the way he liked.

Alex could never get tired of kissing John. His hand was on the back of John’s neck, firmly holding him there, keeping him close. His fingers fidgeting with a stray lock that has escaped John’s bun.

Their lazy kiss was only interrupted by the need for fresh air. Damn lungs.

He felt like he was made of bubbles and was floating away. He felt like he was inside a dream. It felt way too good to be true.

“Babe, can we have a party?” Alex said suddenly.

“W-what?” John stammered, confused.

“I don’t know. I just feel festive. We’re on break. Let’s get drunk on cheap alcohol and dance together and just… I don’t know… be.”

“There are many ways to ‘be’, Alex. Right now, this is what it feels to be,”

“Yeah, but I also want to dance with you, be in a crowded apartment, enjoying life but with people around. Not just us two being. All of our friends, being. Live a conglomerate of souls, shining bright, you know what I mean?”

John grinned.

“A revolution, John. A ‘fuck you’ to all the people who say we can’t be happy and who say there’s too many bad things. Let’s revolutionise the world by being carefree. Drinking and being happy for freedom. Raising a glass to freedom herself.” He continued.

“Wow, ” John blinked. “Just wow,”

“What?”

“How is it that every time you open up that mouth of yours and you start speaking you manage to blow me away like that? You’re just so passionate about everything you say. It’s honestly mesmerising.” John replied, “You’re mesmerising,”

“Oh my God…” Alex groaned, embarrassed by the loving look in John’s eyes.

“Let’s do it. Next week. My apartment,” John stated. “And you know I’m going to play all of those filthy songs you like and grind on you like there’s no tomorrow, right?” He growled.

“Fuck yes,” Alex let out a hiss.

They kissed once more, a smile on both of their faces, Alex caressing John’s cheek.

John slapped his arm, all of a sudden.

“Fuck,” He said, looking at his hand.

“What?”

“Bugs,” He answered with spite. “I forgot to bring the damn insect repellent. I knew I forgot to put something in…” He muttered under his breath.

“Time to go home?” He asked,

“Yup. Unless you want your sweet Caribbean blood you claim to have to become a feast for all the blood-sucking motherfuckers in the vicinity,”

“Okay, rude. First of all, yes. I have super sweet blood. Mosquitoes love me. It’s the worst.” He stated, “And you’re being so rude to the whole vampire community of New York City with your comment. If you’re going to refer to mosquitoes, make sure you address them as such. Vampires have done nothing to insult you, Laurens.”

“You’re such an ass,” He laughed. “C’mon, we don’t want the bugs drinking all of your sweet Caribbean blood, do we?”

They quickly packed everything up in the crappy basket John had bought from a dollar store. They walked to the entrance of the park, where they caught a taxi to John’s apartment.

“No working, okay?” John warned as they entered the building.

“Sure, but you gotta make me some hot chocolate,”

They went in, changed into their pyjamas (Alex had mostly stopped sleeping in his own apartment already) and John went to the kitchen, phone in his hand, as Alex browsed through some options for a show for the pair to watch.

After a few minutes of routine, Alex heard John become increasingly frustrated, dropping a mug and breaking it.

“Stupid…” He muttered.

Alex rushed in to help.

There he saw John, losing his shit over the broken mug, clearly bothered by something else, aggressively cleaning up the pieces.

 “Hey. Hey, babe,” He said, taking John into his arms. “What’s wrong?”

“Martha just texted,”

Not good.

“My father says I have to go until school is back. Apparently, he’s disappointed in me. She texted to give me the heads up,”

Just as he finished his sentence, John’s phone started vibrating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on tumblr (@-am-papa-churro) hmu text me follow me whatevs


	15. NOT A CHAPTER! SORRY!

so i meant to write this ages ago but i've been super damn busy to even get to the explanation. 

Hi!  
im not dead, neither is this story.

for the last few weeks, instead of updating like i promised, i've been going through a whole bunch of shit and each week there has been a reason why i just couldn't write the chapter.  
i wanted the next chapter and the rest to come to be perfect because, basically here's where all the intense shit happens.

so first week of my absence i had a very emotionally draining week. my days were shit and i just couldn't bring myself to do it. im okay now but it wasnt a great week and i wasnt in the best shape to write.  
second week i was just really tired and i was on holiday so i said fuck it, next week.  
and now, i broke my arm which is why it's been a while since i posted. i can still type but it's slower. and at the same time, i have my sports classes to write because i have to sit out so im steadily making progress towards the next chapter.

im already 1500 words into this chapter, so wednesday there will definitely be a chapter (yay! finally!) but i'm also working on a bonus two chapters, one on thursday and the other one on friday (hopefully i'll manage to do that), and MJ is going to beta chapter 14 (last chapter i posted) so its gonna be a pretty darn cool couple of days. im rly excited.

im really sorry for the delay. the story is not dead.

thanks so much for the understanding,

cat.

ps: i wanna make more internet friends so follow my tumblr @i-am-papa-churro, send me a message, lets become mutuals and chat!!


	16. bitter goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im back!!!  
> hope y'all didn't miss me much. 
> 
> so here's the chapter, if you're wondering how come i died and came back to life, then just go to the last chapter and i have a lengthy explanation there.
> 
> anyway i really hope you like this chapter because it took me like 4 days to write.
> 
> kudos and comments are loved!!
> 
> come make friends with me on tumblr @i-am-papa-churro

****

John cried. He did not stop, even until he felt Alex’s arms around him, holding him.

He felt Alex’s fingers running through his hair, he heard him whisper empty promises and sweet nothings as he sobbed.

“It’s gonna be okay, love,” _It’s really not,_ John could not help but think. “I promise,”

As much as Alex wanted to understand why it was so painful for John to hear from his father, he could never understand what always went down under Henry Laurens’ roof.

Alex would never understand how painful it is to feel his mother slipping away, without being able to do something about it. Getting locked out of her room during her final moments since her husband did not want her to go through chemotherapy, leaving her to die in her bed.

He would never understand what it is like to have a distant, almost absent father.

He’d never understand what it felt to use his body to shield his sisters from his father’s heavy arm.

Or the disappointed looks. Or all the fighting.

All of those things constantly piled up and made John scared to step into that house.

He longed for the day when he could truly leave his father’s overwhelming shadow behind.

“B-But Alex,” John sobbed, “He’s fucking evil. He fucking knows that the worst thing he can say to me to get me scared is exactly that. ‘I’m disappointed in you,’ He’s fucking used that so many other times in my life, he knows that shit gets to me, I can’t fucking stand it anymore,”

“What happens if you don’t go?” Alex carefully proposed.

“I’ll lose all my money, lose my apartment. I’ll have to drop college and get a job as a waiter or something,” He answered in between sobs, “It’s fucking bullshit,”

Alex was silent. There was no other audible sound but the ticking of the clock in the wall, the distant sounds of the city that never sleeps and John’s loud, desperate sobs.

“When do you have to go?” Alex asked, sounding almost… scared. His voice sounded so small, so fragile, just like John felt.

“Father booked a ticket for me to go tomorrow home tomorrow afternoon. I have to pack soon,” He said, starting to get up from Alex’s side, but he swiftly grabbed him by the wrist and made him sit down. “Alex…”

He pressed their foreheads together, staring directly into his eyes.

“John Laurens, you are the love of my life. Waking up next to you and facing the world knowing you have my back gives me the courage to face every single day like an adventure. Loving you is so easy and so effortless, it makes me feel, no, _know_ that I was made for you and you were made for you. If I dare say so, it confirms my thoughts: you are my soulmate, my dearest Laurens,” Alex said, cupping John’s face, so gently, as if he was holding the most precious treasure in his hands. “You’re kind and generous and the most gorgeous person I’ve ever met. You’re gentle and your heart burns with such a passion, I feel honoured to be able to witness it, to see you fight and to see you be passionate. John, my love, you’re so resilient, you’re so courageous, so brave, I promise you’ll get through this. I’ll help you out, and we’ll come out victorious and we’ll be happy. This is just a little bump in the road,”

“Alex…” John whispered, almost in tears due to Alex’s words.

“And okay, let’s say you walk out on that fucker. We’ll figure it out together. Find a small apartment for us, get you a scholarship or an internship somewhere or something. We’ll figure something out, we’ll be fine as long as you and I are together.” He brushed a curl from his face, “Can I kiss you?”

John nodded.

His lips softly met Alex’s. The kiss was salty from John’s tears, but it was gentle. Reassuring. It was soft, caring and everything that John needed. Yes, he was still scared, he still did not want to go back, but for a second, John felt like he’d be okay. Time melted away as Alex kissed him, kissed his cheeks, kissed his freckles and his forehead and pecked him on the lips over and over again. John closed his eyes, too exhausted to do anything but let Alex take care of him.

For a second, he was okay.

For a second, he was going to be okay.

For a second, it was only Alex and John, together.

For a second, if only for a damn second, he could face the entire world with Alex by his side. Just the two of them against the rest of the world, and they were invincible.

He sighed and let himself get picked up and get carried to his bed. He was exhausted. He just wanted to sleep.

Alex sat him down in his bed. “We’re going to sleep now, okay? Just let me help you put your pyjamas on and we can rest,”

“Sure,”

He then did as Alex told him. Arms up as he took his shirt off, kissing him. Standing up as Alex helped him put his pants on.

John felt empty. He’d cried all his emotions out. He didn’t feel anything at all, except for an overwhelming desire to lay down and maybe disappear, or not speak or move for a few hours. Or days.

Alex then started to play with his hair. _I should re-dye it soon,_ John realised, that being the only logical thought his mind could form. He could feel Alex braiding his hair, making him slowly relax.

His eyelids felt heavy, as Alex hummed to himself a relaxing tune.

“Time to sleep, John” He heard Alex say, somehow sounding farther than what he knew he was. He felt Alex’s arms wrapping around him, and although he did not remember doing so the morning after, he managed to get put and shuffle his feet forward until he was laying down.

The last thing he remembers before drifting to sleep was Alex pulling him closer and holding him tight that night.

His sleep was dreamless. It was plain, grey and dull. But it was refreshing. At least, he didn’t wake up as tired as he was when he went to sleep.

When he woke up, he was alone in his bed.

John sat up, realised that Alex had only left his side a few minutes ago, based on the lingering warmth next to him.

He got up, noticing his growing hunger thanks to the sweet smell of pancakes.

“Hey,” John greeted Alex when he entered the kitchen, still groggy. “Am I going to love you more after the pancakes or are they gonna be that bad I’m going to see myself forced to walk out of that door forever?”

“Fuck off, Laurens. These pancakes are going to blow your damn mind,” Alex said, leaving the pancakes alone and walking towards him. He held him by the waist and kissed him swiftly. “Did you sleep okay, love?”

“Yeah, slept alright,”

“Ready for today?” John nodded.

“I don’t want to go, Alex. I’m scared of what’s gonna happen when I go there,”

“It’s okay, baby. You’re gonna go there at night, you’ll call me and I’ll wish you goodnight, and then you’ll go to sleep, and that’s your first night there gone, it’ll only be a few night more after that one,” He said.

“I’m going to miss you so much, Alex. I wish you were coming with me,” John sighed.

“I’ll be with you, all the time, even if you can’t see me. I’ll always be with you. You’ll just have to take it minute by minute. I’ll be there to text you or call you anytime…” The smell of burning pancakes interrupted their moment. “Shit!”

John let out a laugh. “I don’t know, Alex. I think I’m pretty much about to walk out, I don’t think I can eat those,”

“Fuck, we were having a moment! I was going to start telling how much I love you! Fuck!” Alex said, frantically working to fix the situation.

After a while, John could not help but smile as he looked on. Alex was cursing under his breath, cleaning up the mess, looking defeated. One strand of hair was blocking his view, frustrating him even further.

“Shit, I wanted to make you breakfast,” Alex muttered, moving towards the fridge, presumably to start making more pancakes.

“Alex…”

Alex just sighed, becoming increasingly frustrated, fumbling with every material that came into his hand.

“Alex, babe. It’s okay,” John murmured, reaching for Alex’s hand.

Alex looked up with teary eyes. “It’s really not because you were so upset last night and I got really upset too and I wanted to do something nice because I’m going to miss you and I don’t want you to be more sad than you already are,”

“Oh, mi amor,” He said, holding him by the hand. “It’s okay. I’m going to be fine. You told me so last night, okay? And you’re going to be fine without me here. So what do you say you put on a shirt of mine and we grab breakfast at a café instead? You know it drives me crazy to see you in my clothes, babygirl,”

Their day was quiet.

They walked together to the café, hands intertwined together, not really talking, just taking in each other’s presence, soaking in their company, knowing they’d be apart for a long time.

 They ordered the usual, a long black for Alex, and a mocha for John at the café where they met each other’s friends. Their second date.

The day went past faster than any of them expected. Ignoring all texts and calls seemed to be the perfect way to forget about time and suddenly realise it is time to go.

John's face went pale when he realised he was meant to go in an hour.

He was holding Alex, they were both laying in the sofa. He’d been playing with his smooth brown hair, Alex’s arms around him, his fists holding his shirt way too tightly, clearly refusing to ever let him go.

Even in his sleep, Alex looked ready to fight the world sometimes. His face wasn’t relaxed liked other times, but it showed concern.

Fuck, he really loved Alex.

He didn’t want to let go, but reluctantly, he moved slowly in order not to wake Alex up, which absolutely did not work.

“Where are you going?” Alex said, still drowsy.

“I have to pack. The taxi is going to be here in…” He paused. 5:10 PM. “Fifty minutes,”

“Just shove all your shit in one of your bags and come back,”

John packed, hating every second that passed for being too quick and for pushing him closer to the dreadful moment where he’d see his father again.

Ten minutes before, as they were waiting for the car, Alex was just embracing John, taking in his scent, remembering what it feels like to be held by him and quietly sobbing.

John wasn’t doing much better himself.

“I asked Laf and Herc to check on you every now and then,” John told Alex. “I also left a spare key for the apartment under the mat outside, if you ever forget yours. I know you’re not going to leave my apartment so I left you some cash in the kitchen so you can get groceries, okay?”

“Okay,”

“Just don’t work yourself to death, alright?”

“Promise me you’ll call me when you get there? And every night? And when things get rough?”

“Sure thing,”

They embraced once more, not wanting to let go.

“I’m going to miss you so fucking much, John. I want to be brave for you, but he’s not a good person,”

“I have to go now,” John said, ignoring Alex’s understatement. ”I love you. I’m going to miss you every second,”

He then forced himself to let go of Alex. He forced himself to choke out a sob.

Without looking back, John left his apartment and Alex by himself and braced himself.

The worst was yet to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new chapter coming tomorrow!!


	17. alex alone in new york

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry! i was meant to post this last night (sydney time) but then i fell asleep, but i woke up and here it is!!  
> its a bit of a short chapter, but i didn't want to post of all of alex's shenanigans in one go.
> 
> i might be able to post the last chapter i promise today, or maybe i'll post it on wednesday, idk depends on whether i find time to write during class or not.
> 
> i really hope you're enjoying the story!! please leave kudos and comments/feedback, i absolutely adore it!
> 
> also, come and say hi in my tumblr! i-am-papa-churro

Alex’s life was spiralling down.

Yes, Laf and Herc were checking on him.

Yes, Eliza cooked for him and they had lunch together. It was nice.

Yes, Angelica took him clothes shopping.

Yes, Peggy asked him to walk her dog. Even if it was just to distract him for a while.

Fuck. Even Thomas stopped being an asshole every time they got together to work on their assignment.

But it all felt like shit anyway.

It felt like all of them were looking after him because he was frail and because they were scared for John but he wasn’t here so at least they could pamper him.

Make sure he was okay.

Of course, he was okay.

He’d already worked for more than 12 hours on end before.

He’d already fed himself on just take away and left overs every few days before.

He knew what to do.

He knew how to stay alive.

Because he felt lonely. He hated depending on John so much but maybe it was due to the circumstance or maybe it wasn’t, but everyone expected him to break down.

They all knew he wasn’t eating.

Or leaving the apartment.

Or showering regularly.

Or sleeping more than three hours a day.

Maybe if it was different. Maybe if John wasn’t in danger they’d be okay.

Maybe he’d be okay.

But he used the time alone wisely and he worked on all the project he knew he had. He caught up on things he was meant to do ages ago (but are still not due until a few weeks ago, he liked to get everything done very well ahead of time). He studied and worked on things that he hadn’t been assigned to do.

He found a job. He received funds from the government and still had money from a bunch of scholarships he’d received but he had time and an endless supply of energy that came from the anxiety of thinking of the worse outcomes each day.

He worked, selling candy to children with their parents’ money and selling newspapers to men carrying briefcases and women looking ready to sell their pitch or conquer the world.

Alex even volunteered at the local soup kitchen. Eliza invited him, she’d been to help out since she’d started dating Maria.

He was doing things in New York, probably not to the best of his ability, but his mind was with John in South Carolina.

And things weren’t much better for his boyfriend.

Henry Laurens was still at work even if John was on break, which meant he didn’t have to spend time with him, drawing out the seconds until the fateful moment the two would chat. A series of anxiety-ridden calls followed each night, both of them extremely worried about the other’s well-being.

“You need to sleep, Alex.”

“Go for a walk with Martha. Talk to her.”

“Don’t overwork yourself.”

“It’ll be okay, mi amor. I promise. Only a few more days and it’ll be over.”

He was having lunch with Lafayette. It was Saturday, which meant Henry Laurens wasn’t working that day.

His phone was in his hand, anxiously expecting a message that was bound to come.

That Henry Laurens was angry. That Henry Laurens disowned him.

“Mon ami, you need to… chill,” Laf said, taking a bite of his sushi roll. “Our dear John is fine. We both know how brave he is. It might seem bad but he’s fine. And… it seems like you’re doing worse without him than anyone else,” He added, giving him a look.

“Yeah, it’s normal though. I tend to ‘overwork’ myself when I’m alone. I’ve always done it. Even ask Eliza,”

“Okay, sure,” He answered sceptically. “But John wouldn’t want that, petit lion. Take better care of yourself, okay?”

“I am!” He protested. “I showered to hang out with you. And I’m eating right now. And I’m not working.”

“Alex. Just, go watch a movie or something. Take a nap. Drink tea instead of coffee. Just, turn off your phone and do something else and trust John to take care of himself and trust him to be okay,”

But it was hard to let go, to forget about it for a moment, even.

Where Alex had run from his past, John was forced to go back from it.

He’d seen his mother die. He’s never since he left, he’s never set foot on the island again.

John had to stay under the same roof where that happened.

“Alright, fine. Wanna do something tonight?” John had left almost a week ago, and maybe Alex was letting himself go a little.

They finish having lunch, Alex still struggling to let go of the phone, but making a conscious decision not to worry as much.

Laf was right. John was able to care for himself. And he wasn’t able to do anything else but wait and be there for John when he needed it.

“That skirt looks really nice, by the way,” He complimented Gilbert as they walked to the park, ice cream cone in hand. “Did Herc make it for you?”

“Oui, he’s been making skirts for me because he said he wants to practice, but I know that it’s actually because he likes how my legs look when I wear them,” Gil grinned mischievously. “I’m thinking of wearing a crop top with it,”

“Gilbert, for the sake of keeping Hercules Mulligan entirely sane, because one of us four has to be, I have to stop you right fucking there. That would basically kill the man. And your clothes would probably end up ripped and on the floor before you know it,”

Laf laughed. “Exactly what I want,”

“Just ask him if he thinks you’d look nice in a crop top and you’ll get one like an hour later.”

He loved hanging out with Lafayette because it felt like he’d known the man for years, even if their friendship only went back less than a year. He loved Lafayette and he’d probably kill a man for him.

Lafayette was observant and understood the people around him. What made them tick. He knew how to calm Alex down, or how to pull John out of a bad mood, or how to play Hercules and keep him wrapped around his finger. Lafayette knew them all deeply.

Which is why Alex knew this was coming.

“Alex, you’re still worrying about John, aren’t you?”

“Of course, Laf. I’d be a lot calmer if he was going anywhere else in the world. I’d be better if I was able to be with him. He hasn’t texted me in a while now,” Alex admitted.

He felt a little overprotective of his boyfriend, but he knew that John would be as worried in a situation similar to this one, where every moment that passed was filled with anxiety.

“For fuck’s sake, Alex. Relax a bit. I know you two are basically married and love him and you miss him and it’s difficult to let go of him, but he’s got Martha over there. She’s always been the one to keep him sane, he’ll call you if he needs you,” He said, patting him on the back. “Besides, you’ll see him in about a week, won’t you?”

“Yeah, true,”

It was hard to pull Alex away from an idea. Once something got into his mind, he stuck with it and saw it through.

And Lafayette knew that.

“What if we throw a party?” The tall man suggested. “Get drunk and forget about everything, yeah?


	18. IMPORTANT NOTICE PLS READ *NOT A CHAPTER*

So,

I’ve honestly been trying to avoid this for as long as possible but it’s gotten to the point where if I don’t do it it’ll feel worse. Please read until the end, it’s not all bad news.

Hi, it’s been a while.

I’ll get straight to the point. As you may have gathered from my extremely long absence, I can’t continue writing this story. When I began writing this story, I had a lot of free time in my hands, I was able to sit down and write for the sake of writing and I was fully immersed in this fandom.

But time’s gone past and I am now in my second last year of high school as a tremendous overachiever and to be completely honest, I am struggling to keep up with all the school work, the pressure I am in and all the extracurriculars I do. I have barely any time left in my hands, and most of my free time is spent resting since I am always super exhausted from all the things I have to do.

I have also drifted away from the fandom. It was only because of time, and because that’s the way things are. I will still hold Hamilton very close to my heart, it still brings me great memories and helps me through rough patches but as I find new interests, I have slowly begun leaving the fandom.

I know these sound like excuses to not write but its more of an explanation for my really long absence. I honestly feel that until I can get closure on this fic, I won’t be able to continue writing, even though I really want to.

I have realized that to move on fully from the fandom and to be able to not feel guilty each time I get a comment or kudos on this story, I had to let you all know of my decision. I’ve postponed this message because I know how heartbreaking it can be to be reading a fic to never have it finished.

Some of you have followed this story since Chapter One and for that, I am forever grateful. You have seen me try and develop Alex and John’s relationship and have made me feel better over chapters I think are shit and overall, made me a lot more confident over the things I write.

I hate to disappoint you with an unfinished story, but I have tried too many times to write the next chapter, and the inspiration just isn’t there.

This really sucks, I know, and I hope you’ll understand.

I want to propose a solution to the problem though. I hate to leave the story unfinished, and I can’t write it, but I am 100% willing to let someone else write the rest of it. If someone is able to pick up from where I left off and continue the story, I would feel much better about the way this fic will go.

What I’m saying is that, if one of you is willing to write the rest, I’ll tell you the rest of the plot. I’ll even beta the work for you. Whatever help you need to write, I can do it.

I just don’t want this story to be unfinished forever.

If you’re willing to try to help me out, reach out to me. My twitter acc is @twoleftshoe and my tumblr is @/i-am-papa-churro . Hopefully I can talk to some of you and figure out how this is going to work out moving forward.

I’m sorry if this isn’t what you expected when you clicked on this story.

One day, hopefully soon, I’ll get my muse back and I’ll be able to write again, please stick around for that.

Cat (alien-in-the-sea)


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